The colours, melody and harmony of my life...

Sunday, 24th July 2011

2011-07-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

I guess, life's really like piano keyboard, where the white keys represent the good and joyful parts, and the black ones constitute sorrows and pain. But together, they formed beautiful melodies, no? And I guess that's exactly how I see my life nowadays. So many things, upside down, can just happen in one day. And today, unexpected good things happened that it made me feel I wanted to write :p

I have been saying to myself that it's gonna be a lonely weekend to me coz my sisters are away. One went back for holiday to Indo for less than two weeks, and the other one was away to retreat with Mudika people (come to think of it, I was actually helping in the process so that these two could end up going to their respective destination... Thank your big sis, girls!). But, things actually turned otherwise :p

Dot points... My fave style~~ White keys go first...

Monica, Regina's friend, came over for lunch, church and video-watching session together. I had so many good laugh today when watching Running Man and some of Dong Bang videos. I had my own personal Dong Bang session after she left, watching Family Outing where Junsu and Yunho were the guests. I realise I still miss the five of them being together, but no matter what, whether five altogether or two and three in separate ways, it's not gonna change who they are in person... I still really like all five and will continue to cherish them :)
Finally bought this super comfy, soft and warm pajama pants from Morning Glory. They were the cheapest $18 after discount, but today they were $15! Wore them straight away as soon as I got home, and totally satisfied with the product!
At the very same Morning Glory store, I got to be friendly with the store cashier. His name is Jay, and he taught me some Korean words, and actually seemed to like me a lot too XD He told me that he will be working in the city Chinatown store, and hoped to see me there. He said he is currently learning English, and would love to have someone he can practice with. I said I can teach him English in return for him teaching me Korean, and he was so happy when I said that XD Monica noted how I could easily talk and be comfortable with people just like that, and her comments made me realised for the first time, that such trait is actually one good point of myself, which not everyone can have. Previously during lunch, she also mentioned how I can befriend both my sisters' friends although we are in different age groups, and how I'm good at talking to tante2 :p It makes me feel proud and be able to love myself a bit more today, and thanking God for making me that way~~
I had a bit of reflection on things. I realised, that if I don't love myself to start with, how would other people can love me? If I don't get confident with myself, how would I get other people can be confident in me too? I guess, I do need to help myself a lot. I need to figure out about myself more, and find things about myself that both need to be fixed, or maintained - things that can make me love myself more... Coz I also noticed that I don't love myself that much... I tend to scrutinise myself too much which always, almost all the time, end up in me hating myself and telling that I'm no good =.=
Meet Abby at the church today. How glad I was that I decided to say 'hi' back then. I seriously thought of going straight home without seeing ci Win and ko Ardi soalnya lg males aja. Tp at the last moment, I decided to go to the back and greet them. Excellent decision indeed! Abby was merengut as usual, and it was amazing to see how her facial expression turned to a smile when she saw me!!! Her smile was sooo gorgeous, and she looks sooo cute!! Adorable buanget pokoknya. She let me craddled her today, and she was playing with my face, clutching my hair, and actually didn't cry at all when I held her. She was in a good mood :D Although i noticed how she was back to her merengut expression when she realised suddenly many people gathered around her :p Cute confused beautiful baby :p If only Abby can understand now how she made me unreasonably happy today XD Because I could make her smiled and laughed back then, it made me feel so happy and think at least, I can make a baby laugh and that's a good thing.
Recently, the fact that I have been quite underpaid started to get over me in such ways that it made me regret my current job, and of course, became less appreciative. Although I was occasionally reminded how I was the one asking for the job, and God did grant me my wish, but today, the reminder was rather special, and mengena... When I started to being all regretful and snide about my current job, the thought that "it was through this job that i got to learn SO MANY things that I wouldn't learn somewhere else otherwise" suddenly came in. Well, it's true. In fact, through this underpaid job I do get lots of experience and skills, including becoming more confident in answering phone calls. I saw in many trainees how a task as simple as answering a phone could be quite a difficult thing to be done properly... And these skills and experiences are the updates on my resume, which are all the potentials that can help me score new job... *sigh* I guess, the underpaid part is the trade off for all these experiences... Be grateful, Anne! =.=
Further thing about my job, really, everyone in my office are nice people. Ralph is actually good too, except he does drive everyone crazy almost all the times =.= What a handful boss! There was this small talk between me and Linda which made me feeling really happy at the end. I didn't know how it started, but I was involved in small chat with Linda at the reception desk, and the talk somehow landed at the fact I was a July baby. Upon learning this fact, Linda exclaimed immediately, " Ah-ha~ No wonder I like you so much! You're a July baby too, just like me!". And she continued on how she once noticed I was born on July, but didn't get reminded about it again until she talked to me that time. She further added that she would make me cake to celebrate mine, hers, Ralph's and Chan's birthday next week. Wow! I remembered I posted nasty entry about her before. This reminded me of the kotbah of this priest at SPJ whose name was unknown to me. He was talking about how each person has "weed" and "wheat" inside him/her. If you tried to uproot the weed, you may end up pulling the wheat too. At the end, it's all about tolerance, patience and respect of others that will allow you to accept a person's weed - all the bad stuff and wheat - all the god stuff, which then lead to harmonious and peaceful life, while shaping your characters in good way too.

Black keys~~

I don't know how, but my Vodafone credit has an excluded amount of FIFTY SEVEN DOLLARS! What the?!!! It means my next bill on September is going to be around $100?!!! It's not the matter of whether I can pay for it or not, but it's just... What did I do that the bill can swell so much like that?? I did talk to my mom overseas for two hours. But I did that before and it was okay... Need to call Vodafone to check on things! They are being so stupid now.
I am currently being put on the second job hunt... Although I had enough share of rejection last year, and logically should be at better position this year with more experience, but I can't help but to still feel pessimistic and over-worrying at all times. I know at these kind of times are where my faith is put on test. I know God will definitely help me right on time. He has been listening to all my prayers, requests, nagging etc, and none has gone ignored. He knows what is best for me and what He wants is for me to keep believing and hoping in Him until miracle happened. Saying that you know things is easy, but to keep the faith in action, that's real hard~~ Fear does overcome my faith at sometimes, and pessimism overwhelms me... But I guess, what else I can do but to cling on my hope and faith in Him? Afterall, I do want to believe that He can turn my worry into worship when I persevere in my faith over my fears~~
I really did some reflections today, and another outcome was about things that I wished to do in the past that end up not getting done. I'm good at Auditing, and during the Mass, I didn't know why suddenly I really want to be an Auditing tutor at UNSW... But I don't have enough courage to teach a class... I can teach one-on-one (and had been proven to help my friend got a D for her Auditing final mark), but not sure in bigger group =.= Besides, my previous situations didn't really support the situation. Bisa sih sebenernya, klo dipaksain... But maybe, aku orgnya jg kemalesan kali yah~~ Another thing, how I wish I could play keyboard and be a singer di PD... I like singing, and I like keyboard/piano, although I reckon suaraku sih jelek loh klo buat nyanyi =.= But I suppose, I can make amend to this by being acolyte or reader at my local church. I like that too XD We'll see. I want to get more involved in pelayanan too, something that's new, and I'm recently inclined to help in Sunday schools. I do want to learn how to teach children. This, maybe I can start when my youngest sis arrives back in Sydney later... I do realise how the outcomes of my merenung session can make me quite depressed, coz I feel like I had wasted something great and missed out on the chance to make my life better... But I was quickly reminded (must be by the Holy Spirit) that my current life, even without things that I wish I would have done, has been great in its ways. I can still do my unrealised wishes in different ways, and still feel better and more satisfied in myself that way. I'm glad I was quickly warned that overly-focusing the past up to the point of deep regret won't save me my present and future...

I guess that's the end of my post. Quite a long one... But yeh, it worths the update of few weeks or even months of non-update... Ciaooo~~

(for now, still) Ms. J

I'm so sorry, baby T.T

2011-06-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hunny, so sorry for saying "dang~~" when I read the news that it will be your first time playing domestic role. I mistook it for "you're playing as first role" in the upcoming drama... But I realise later on, regardless whether the first role was mistake or actually true, I should be happy either way and didn't say "Dang~~". Feel so bad now after saying it, coz it can imply that I'm not happy when you are actually doing something great... I promise I will work harder to change the way I see things and be happy for you when things are working in your bright side, no matter what it is...

xoxo~

The so-called "busy"???

2011-06-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been updating this blog for ages... And from my memory, the last post still had something to do with JYJ concert cancellation, which by now I have fully gotten over it, thank God :)

Look, I just had this urge to bitch about my boss' wife. It's not that I hate her. She's a nice woman, except when she's angry and starts to yell at the office in a very high pitched voice, resembling to mentally mad woman -.- But today, she's been a BITCH. At least to me, she appeared to be one.

This morning, when I was making coffee after receiving a call for our client who was looking for the other secretary, Mary, she walked all the way to the kitchen only to tell me: "Anne, next time if there's a client calling for Mary, try to see what they need, because Mary is very busy."

Busy??

Alright. Here's how it goes. Mary is busy fixing Linda's computer and stays in Linda's room for about 30 minutes. The so-called fixing computer goes on for about 10 minutes, and seriously, the remaining 20 minutes she was just talking to Mary about OTHER STUFF!!! What was it that I overheard??? Jacket??? Other shopping stuff?? OH MY GOODNESS!!! IS THAT WHAT YOU CALLED BUSY??? FAR OUT!!!!

And the story does not end there. I know Mary had been telling me that the door lock has been broken. Therefore, it does not lock, and strangers can just come in anytime without we notice. And how could Mary told Linda that I was sitting there with Ralph DOING NOTHING?!!!! I know yesterday, there was this random delivery guy looking for Suite 4C walked into our office and that was about 4pm in the arvo. I was dealing with Ralph and his stack of letters for Department of Fair Trading regarding legal action he was taking seriously against this entertainment company. I remember my last 2 hours of work yesterday was full of this whole legal issues. So, which part of it consist of DOING NOTHING!?!!!!!!!

@!$@%*&(&*&_*(_*(%&$^@%@!!!!!!!!!!

Some people need serious therapy on learning how to look at other people's situations before making stupid comments about it!!!

Ms J~

My #1 song of the day~~

2011-05-06T07:17:00.000-07:00

TVXQ- How Can I ( 믿기 싫은 이야기 )

deutji marasseoya hal yaegi
oneul harujjeumeun itgo nawado johasseul jeonhwa
malmuni makhineun yaegi
eochapi nae maeumeun sanggwan eomneun yaegi

*eotteoke neoreul ijeulkka
ijeuryeogo aereul sseobolkka
dasi doragal sun eobseulkka
amu maldo kkeonael suga eobseotdeon
uri majimak yaegi

saranghanda mareul haesseul ttaen
neon meomchwobeoryeotgo
nan gaseumeun teojil deut haenneunde
jigeum nan meomchwobeorigo
ne daeum yaegireul gidaril ppunya

eotteoke neoreul ijeulkka
ijeuryeogo aereul sseobolkka
dasi doragal sun eobseulkka
eotteokedo apeugiman han yaegi
geumanhajaneun geu yaegi

meomchul suman itdamyeon
jiul suman itdamyeon
dasi doragandamyeon
cheoeum mannan geu nallo

eotteoke neoreul ijeulkka
ijeuryeogo aereul sseobolkka
dasi doragal sun eobseulkka
ibeul mageun chaero nunmul heullineun
mitgi sirheun iyagi

eotteoke neoreul ijeulkka
ijeuryeogo aereul sseobolkka
dasi doragal sun eobseulkka
yeojeonhi neol saranghagi ttaemune
kkumeseorado mitgi sirheun iyagi

*****

Google it, girls! It's super lovely ^^

Slowly letting you go...

2011-04-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

Looks like I finally managed to start letting you go... Although it's slow, but I know deep there it's happening...

I still love you, and will always do, in different way. But I guess, it's definitely better this way :) Forever you will occupy that one special spot in my heart that will never be available to anyone else...

Ups and downs~~ Happy 2nd birthday my dear Junsu :)

2011-04-11T02:32:00.000-07:00

11 April 2011 ~ Happy birthday for my beloved "son", Junsu :) I missed you all these months I didn't play you, and today you were used by Him to help brighten my mood up along with beautiful steamy cup of peppermint tea ^^ Luv u, my champion lil deer~~

All these weeks... I finally managed to recover bit by bit from the heartbroken thanks to my most awaited concert cancellation... I can see myself slowly recovering, but definitely not yet completely healed. I think the healing process will definitely take a bit longer...

The only burdening feeling that still stayed now that 9th April 2011 had finally passed is that I feel like I'm missing something that really should have happened. I should have been a girl who had successfully achieved her second new year resolution T.T But looks like achieving this goal might take a bit longer... *sigh

Now onto all the positive words I received from people... My special thanks to Amy for her lovely and very strengthening sharing, Aerina-unni and Joyce for always be there to listen to all my complaints and heart cry, Sherly and Ivanna for their continuous prayers and supporting Biblical passages, Ci Christina for also being angry at my place, Nat2 for our sharing since kita temen seperjuangan on the very same boat facing the very same unexpected storm, Manda for showing her careful care and touching understanding on my feelings, Danica for offering me to cook comfort food, and my other friends who i shared my sadness with (bnyk... Ci Win, Lina, koko, Sis, Ciput, Marcell, Maya, Francy, Flo, Cindy, Marian, Mary), my sisters, my mom (who is surprisingly supportive in helping me to go through this situation), my boss who already gave me permission for a week leave in advance for my next concert quest, Indo Cassies for their heartcry which felt like they're speaking on my behalf, and of course God... For I know He never let me go even a second in my life, and He's really the closest to me especially during this hard hard time for me...

Positive stuff that I learned from this tragedy:

I was able to do and learn some household chores that I had never been exposed before. I guess this time was another proof that I can still put my family as first priority even before JYJ... Because, seriously, if I wanted to force myself to go to Thai, I really could do so... I was happy when my mom complimented that I've been thinking and act upon things in good way. She further added, that because I've been doing good deeds by doing so, then surely God will give me the return later...
I was still able to consider my boss' feeling and the office situation which was super messy not to take extra leave since I couldn't cancel my original leave which was taken specially for Indo concert...
I was also able to be reasonable in terms of costs and benefits when considering the Thai option... This reason and the other two above I guess really proved that I still can be a very reasonable fan despite of my huge love and adoration for the three... Isn't that a good thing??
I learnt that loving someone is a precious feeling... You shouldn't feel guilty about whom you are falling with... All girls' feelings of falling in love is a beautiful thing. However, it is important to direct and handle that precious feeling wisely to make sure that feeling doesn't grow into any of these three: jealousy, possessiveness and lust. This revelation makes me learn to pray about my feelings for Jaejoong, because I can see that my love towards him already caused me to experience all three sinful feelings T.T
Everyone has been telling me that there will be better opportunities ahead. I kept falling down into depression and hopelessness again and again during the past two weeks, and everytime I talked to someone about it, this statement always appeared, and they never failed to cheer me up. It gives me courage to start hoping again, start believing again, start having faith again... Still needs a lot of strengthening and support for this one...
God's personal message to me through Father Peter's preaching: Be patient, wait and see. Before the cancellation, I did pray at night and heard Him said to me, "Don't worry. You're getting it..." I'm gathering every scratch of my faith and hope to believe in these two statements combined with everyone's support, that definitely, someday, it will happen. And just like Amy said, when my time to see my boys finally came, definitely God will make it easy for me. No need to push myself so extensively nor making excessive sacrifice. When it comes, it will pour. It will just be there, ready for me to enjoy to the max... To savour every bits and pieces of it. It will be the best, even more than what I could ask for... VIP A seat, fanmeet and personal encounter, no injuries and all safe concert... All you can mention it!
I learned to not be jealous again at others' blessings. Evi still got to go to Thai for travelling and watching the uncancelled Thai concert... Everything happened for a reason. Evi could go because God saw Evi needed to go. There is a reason for her to go as God had told me during one of the prayers. But it doesn't mean I couldn't go. I suppose it's not my time yet to see them...
The Bible passage told me: not to get too attached at what was originally meant to be a refreshner and blessing. I realise that I was too attached at these boys, especially Jaejoong of course. It's good to have a drawback and tried to align myself at a more normal level regarding my attachment to him and the rest of the group. When God puts you into unpleasant situation, it is because He loves you so much that He cares to reorient you to ensure that you are growing into something good. Well, I was dis-oriented. I did pray that God would make everything went smooth for the concert. But I remembered that my source of life motivation back then was the concert itself instead of Him... And I did remember that I didn't pray for that concert NOT to be cancelled. I guess I missed on this point *chuckles*
Thanks to all these depression actually I prayed more, read more Bible passages and able to listen to religious songs instead of TVXQ/JYJ being on my playlist for 24/7...

At the end... It's going to be another wait... I find it so difficult to be able to hope and dream again... But I believe, that in Him, no hopes nor dreams left shattered. One day things will unravel itself and become beautiful in its time... Failure at one point of time is just a delayed blessings. When God told me to wait, it means He is preparing something even bigger for me. Yet with all these words, I still find it so hard to believe and hope again. But I will continue to pray and pray and pray... P.U.S.H!!! Pray Until Something Happen!!!

"Be patience, wait and see. You are getting it..."

Amen~

Thoughts... Thoughts....

2011-04-03T18:05:00.001-07:00

"Supposedly... This coming Saturday I'll be at SICC joined with other thousands of Indo Cassies to watch the concert... The fact that now the big event is cancelled bener2 bikin ngenes... T.T"

"It would be a total lie if we didn't get jealous to Thai Cassies who got to enjoy two memorable nights with JYJ since the concerts were not cancelled in their country... I want to see those red oceans with beautiful stage prepared by my JJ too..."

Seriously... All of those thoughts above are killing me T.T

But I'm kinda glad to know that I'm really not the only one being haunted by those thoughts after a week had passed since the official cancellation notice was released... I was daring myself to have a glimpse on DCI facebook page and was glad to see people were posting their thoughts which were exactly similar to mine!! I felt relieved coz it really felt as if people had been speaking on my behalf...

Sigh....

Lord... help me T.T I want to see them too T.T

Dreams shattered...

2011-03-30T16:06:00.000-07:00

After all those moments of waiting, anxiety, hardwork, efforts and everything involved in preparing for JYJ Indo concert, all which were really mentally and physically exhausting... only to find out that...

JYJ WORLD TOUR @ INDONESIA WAS CANCELLED!!!

...

I did read news about it on DCI's facebook page during the day at work. But I was confidently rejecting all the rumour. I mean, seriously, after going that far with ticket selling and even press conference, how would they actually bear to cancel the big event out??? I still happily attended Nana and Nita's graduation, spent some dinner @ Maroubra Coffee Club with Cindy, then went back to uni for Nita's graduation again, was smiling and laughing like stupid coz I met incidentally with Mike and his girlfriend (I really started to wonder what God has in mind with all of these unexpected meetings... Parkir mobil bisa PAS sebelahan after sebelonnya ketinggalan bus and end up naek bus bareng dia... Nothing is coincidence in God's dictionary, huh??)... All of those happy moments with mindset that I am one of the girl who will be attending JYJ's concert on VIP A seating really put me up high... Only to be dropped back to the ground SO HARD I could hardly bear any of it...

I just got off my car when I read Nat2's BBM about the official cancellation notice from C-Jes and went numb right away... Didn't know where I stand... As soon as I got into my room, I called Evi, telling her all the news, then hang up, then crying... Literally crying really bad... Banjir.... Helpless... Shocked... Disappointed... Angry... Wasted... So tired that I don't want to do anything else except breathing =.=

Skipped work the next day...

Gw orangnya, biasa klo after being put thru into such terrible terrible moments, awal2 defence-nya pasti think positive.... There's hidden blessings in every misfortunes including this one... God never gave me a burden or trouble more than my ability to carry it... Anything that God put me through is for my best... He never wants you to be in misfortune because He loves you so much... All true... But the next day, when I skipped work, all those anger flew back in... Disappointment and only can ask to God: why??

Why did you give me all those hopes??

Why did you allow me to dream this far??

Why did you even let me to go this far with all the tix and media pass and everything???

Why did you put me through all these if at the end it's going to be ALL FOR NOTHING???

Why did you cruelly shatter my dream???

.....

*Sigh*~~~

Drawing the timeline: 03.03.11 - 27.03.11

2011-03-24T22:17:00.000-07:00

I'll just do timeline to sum up what has been happening in my life so far, look back and see what God had put me through up to this day...

25.02.11

Found out that we could pre-order JYJ tix from this source named Vincy... Official starting date of the battle to get the tix for their Indo concert later on 9 April 2011.

26.02.11

Evi came visiting and we made calls to Bunga, placing the order and got it confirmed the next day: 2 VIP A tix for me and Evi~~

03.03.11

Things looked so smooth and didn't see any signs of potential bad weather coming up in life... Was happily waiting for order confirmation from Bunga regarding the JYJ Indo concert tix. Who ever guessed that things would turn to be so complicated later on??

06.03.11

Evi called and thought of cancelling the JYJ tix order from Bunga coz she was feeling insecure about the agent's eligibility as official tix agent. Plus she heard from DCI regarding her media pass and already found safer tix source from sharingyoochun... After all the efforts and phone calls I made to confirm the order, transferring the money and finally confirming the transfer, leaving only waiting for confirmation, I would be lying if I said I wasn't annoyed by the whole sudden change in direction from originally-already-looking-smooth path. But I talked to few people and they told me to always be safe, especially because you were dealing with not small amount of money IN INDO which is famous for money laundering and robbery etc. So, heaving a heavy sigh, I agreed to her plan and arranged for cancellation and requested for the funds to be transferred back to my BCA account.

Sensing a storm's brewing up...

07.03.11

Parents arrived. Official start of life turmoils.

08.03.11

Graduation day. Had such beautiful time. Really thanking God for it :)

10.03.11

Found out the alert about apartment in Boyce Road. Mom likes it immediately and urged to fill in an application to be submitted. The possibility of moving out now officially came up.

I think by this time I was secretly dealing with Bunga in Indo to arrange for refund and order cancellation. So stressful because I couldn't really tell anyone (esp MOM who's so sensitive about money matter) about this until everything had been cleared...

12.03.11

Confirmed from Vincy that my money had been refunded. One thing done, and finally was able to tell Mom about it :p

15.03.11

FINALLY got my confirmation voucher for JYJ VIP A tix from sharingyoochun. Was so numb by then and lost the power to get excited over this matter. Also the property agent actually approved my application, which meant it was confirmed that we were moving out of Tante's house... Both sad and happy. Sad because I knew bakal REPOT BANGET and happy coz the application was under my name and it got approved!!! I achieved something!! Thank God!

Got into huge fight with Dad. My mistake too. Rubbish this one~~

18.03.11

Submitted application for graduate position to PPB Advisory, BDO and NAB...

19.03.11

Signing the contract for new unit. Officially starting the removal process next Tuesday 22.03.11...

21.03.11

Called in sick to work. Couldn't sleep a wink the night before. Received a text message from NAB confirming my application proceed to 2nd stage where I was required to do online assessment. Internet at home died down, so went all the way to Joyce's place to do the test as well as applying to PKF.

Really thanked Joyce for today because everything to do with removal, JYJ and graduate jobs stuff finally took their tolls and just reduced me to sit and crying all alone T.T

22.03.11

Removal Day 1. Had been feeling so upset and down everytime thinking about this one. But people had been saying I need to be strong because we are moving to a better place... supposedly true...

23.03.11

Removal day 2 and the biggest... Didn't expect I would actually be really involved today coz this is the day that i really wish to have nothing to do with since the moving date was announced... so tiring, but had office cleaning next day... only can pray to God that He will give me strength to endure these two days...

26.03.11

Moving out has finally settled. Parents went back to Indo... Earth Hour Day and had some dinner with Cindy and Evi... By today, Evi had managed to obtain verbal confirmation regarding her media pass. Dinner @ Blue Fish and we were talking up to the point of waiting Evi's official invitation and getting the flight tix...

27.03.11

Rainy day... Second day in the week I managed to get good decent sleep at night. Too bad I need to go to the church in the morning, thus can't sleep through the day XD Helped Regina got new working shoes, and then LUNCH with my ippeun Aerina-unni. Had super great time! Great talk, stories sharing and jokes :p We ate @ Madang, walk around to Morning Glory, then cafe-ing at Lindt. Then we took train to her apartment @ Chatswood and she drove me home sekalian looking at my new unit :) Fun fun day... I was thinking finally I can sit back and relax, regaining my excitement that I'm watching JYJ in less than 2 weeks time... Smiley smiley ^^

=end of timeline=

Quick Recap~~~

2011-03-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

Just want to quickly update what happened back on 8th March 2011... Amidst my frustration of waiting and dealing with JYJ concert tix, God still shows His love and kindness to me without limit :) The day started and ended as follow:

Mom and Dad happened to arrive on-time. Note that they were flying Garuda, which is infamous for their unpredictable delays. And it made me realised how He made me get up, had shower and finally took exactly the right bus to arrive on-time at the airport. I think I waited for around 5 minutes only and my parents already walked out from exit A/B... Gosh!!! And the taxi didn't queue up at all... So all good.
Mom and Dad stayed at Addison Hotel on Anzac. This hotel didn't have proper trolley to have patrons carry their luggages upstairs. Mom and Dad had one small luggage each, but then they had two HUGE luggages which apparently contained me and my sisters' stuff... Imagine we had to manage to carry all of them to their room at level 2. But somehow we managed to do so without anyone complaining or getting hurt :p Praise the Lord again. And more importantly, they LIKED the room! Excellent!
Getting contact lense and taking dad to his GP. God had also arranged the time so well that all of these activities were done perfectly, even still allowing Mom to shop some bread at Coles. Although it started with Dad's GP closed for lunch at first, but at the end, things were running very smoothly. My personal miracle happened here. When I was picking up my contact lenses, I already planned to get help from the optometrist there to put them on, coz I really suck at this. Guess what?? I took only LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES to put both of lenses into my eyes whereas normally I took at least 10 minutes to get one done properly. Who else if it's not His invisible but true hands who helped me back then??? Gyaaahhhh~~
The make-up! Mom did so well and waaaayy better with my make-up compared to one I had for my Bachelor. I meant the make-up before was great too, but this time was actually greater!!! I felt very good since I was still at home and it was the first time I looked myself at the mirrors provided at gown collection point and told myself that I looked pretty! Coz I really liked how I looked back then XD It was quite hard to believe that it was really me :p LOL! So, thank God as well for that :)
The pre-graduation activities. Me and parents arrived at uni at about 4.45PM and my ceremony was the 6.30PM one... I was worried because other than queuing for gown collection, Mom and Dad wanted to take photos and ordered some placates and graduation DVD. All these activities, plus lining up and I needed to register by 6PM... I was wondering how they would all fit in such limited time frame. But praise the Lord, the gown collection and other activities didn't have long lines and I managed to finish everything on time and registered 5 minutes before 6PM XD
One little detail, but I was so sure that was one of the important factor that made that day very blessed. Mom and Dad actually managed to get some sleep during their flight from Bali. Apparently the flight was pretty empty and they managed to get all 4-seats empty each, so they could actually lie down and slept comfortably. I was actually worried they didn't get enough sleep and would be completely worn-out during the big day. But God had even taken that point into account and set it up nicely from the beginning XD Amazing!
Friends attending... Was a bit taken aback coz Evi notified just the night before that she couldn't attend the actual ceremony coz she needed to be at her bro's school... As usual, responsible big sister ^^ And I was stupidly scared that no one would even turn up to take photos XD This time, I really didn't invite a lot of people to attend (and a bit regretful to find out later how Nina and Justina would love to attend too T.T) coz I thought I didn't have enough time to take photos with all those pre-graduation activities listed above to do. But God really intended to make that day perfect for me that He actually sent most of the people I invited showing up! Even one of my friend who was unsure he would be able to come due to work actually spared his time to come down from his office and shared my joy (thanks Gordon!). I was so busy taking pictures with everyone and felt bad coz I didn't properly attend to each one of them due to all of them coming down at once... Really praise the Lord and I prayed that He blessed these people for they were used by Him to make me specially happy girl that day ^^
The graduation ceremony. Really really thank God that I DID NOT FALL! Not when I was walking on the stage to receive the award, and not when I walked down the small set of stairs to return to my seat, coz some girls did fall... Phew~~
Post-graduation dinner. Was lovely too ^^ Perfect to end and wrap up the day. Going home felt 120% blessed and very happy inside! Evi and Julz stayed up for sometimes before leaving back home too. These two were my special guests :P Oh oh, didn't expect to see Nita turning up after the ceremony! She was there to attend her friend's ceremony too. Very very happy to see her and amused to see how she was excitingly reunited with Julz.... High school buddies ^^

That's about the size of it... BIG, hey?? And it was amazing coz up to the point when I was leaving for uni, I was still worried and felt sick inside thinking about JYJ tix which were still unsure back then.... I think coz I was cancelling my order from JYJ Indo, then I would need to get them to refund my money. At that time I didn't have any idea if the money could ever be refunded, and didn't want to think the end of it when I had to talk to my mom and told her the worst possibility that the money was gone... But when I started meeting people, maybe coz I kept smiling and smiling, all the worries disappeared and replaced with joy and happiness! I didn't even remember a thing about JYJ anymore afterwards. Really a good and very well needed distraction!

That day made me learn two things. First, when you smiled, it really had the power to shoo away any uneasiness weighing down inside... Second, I remembered the night before the day I was praying to Him with this sense of hopelessness because I really couldn't imagine how tomorrow would turn out to be. I had so many thoughts in my mind and I just figured out I couldn't handle all of them well. I couldn't even think of a way how to try to manage all of them to make sure they would be in right places. Picking up parents, picking up contact lenses, and graduation ceremony at night... Gaaahhh~~ Really thought it would all be messy and just had a glimpse of it in my mind already tired me out on top of JYJ stuff. So I told God that I'm leaving everything in His hand because I couldn't and didn't want to think about any of it anymore. It felt too much. I said please helped me to go through tomorrow, and made things right for me. That only, and see what He did the next day... Definitely this day taught me the power of prayer which said with full surrender of your problems to His hands. I suppose, it was a strengthening event to me in dealing with JYJ stuff. I have been praying, and I need to also strengthen my faith that everything has been in His care, and surely would turn out in the best way for both me and Evi :)

Ms. J :)

Slight frustration?

2011-03-13T23:46:00.000-07:00

BCA can't be contacted!! I seriously have no idea why! Probably need to use landline??? It's not anything urgent, but if you could get confirmation things should be better, shouldn't it? I just have strong believe that the refund has gotten into my account anyway... But... *sigh*
DCI still hasn't sent the voucher yet whereas I read the facebook account supposedly all VIP A vouchers had been sent. I have no idea what happened to my international money transfer T.T But I'm giving it sometimes til tomorrow... Will pray again tonight...
Had this stupid headache... Maybe because of the suddenly windy weather outside? But yeh.... Head just hurts T.T

On the brighter note, I did worry a bit about the lucky 5 thing this afternoon. But somehow the worries got quickly casted away by a voice telling me not to worry coz everything's been taken care of.... Hmmmmm~~~

T.T

2011-03-10T16:36:00.000-08:00

Seriously, I don't know why but this morning I've been feeling like crying at the thought of certain someone. Normally I'd always be confident that whenever I got a chance to see him, I would be able to just act normally and greet him with respect and smile. But today was different... When I imagined those thoughts in my mind, suddenly I could feel tears were ready to burst from my eyes, and that feeling had been weighing me down so far... Probably it's because all of the efforts I've been putting through only to see him finally took their tolls on me... *sigh* But I'm not gonna give up mid-way. I might need a good good cry, and should be fine after...

Another thing was parents. Especially mom. It's not that I'm unhappy that she's here. But when she gets exceptionally demanding with her lack-of-patience attitude, it really gets on my nerve. Plus another possibility of moving out. I try to keep myself calm about this. Part of me want to move out so my parents can just shut up and settle. Also so that they will always have place to stay if they wanted to visit Sydney next time. And if I really had to move out, I'll just see it as another obstacle I need to overcome before JYJ concert to make that concert even more rewarding after all what I've been through before the event... The only thing I hate about moving places is the packing and yah, pindah2in barangnya itu. Nggondok abis mikirnya. But then again, it's good if this moving thingy actually happens when my parents are here coz they can do the job. It's not originally my wish to move out, so I don't really want to be big part of the whole plan. Of course I'll do as best as I could to help, but sorry to say, I'm so happy that I actually have WORK to do. It makes perfect excuses to stay out of the business during the 5-days of the week~ HA...

What else? My boss has been in exceptionally bad mood although I can understand enough it has nothing to do with me. And I just want to make sure that his run-down mood really didn't get to me! Yeah!!!!

On a lighter note, I was actually quite excited to learn about StanChar Graduate opportunity from Manda... The closing date won't be til July. Let's see what we can do about that one :p

(exhausted and teary) Ms. J~

My first client consultation and few steps to achieving my #2 NY Resolution ^^

2011-03-03T21:55:00.000-08:00

HAPPYYYYYY!!!!

I got my first client consultation where I sat with her to help filing Centrelink form!! Kekekeke ^^ Thank God for this opportunity! I think I did something for client before, but only as per phone conversation, not the direct one like I did just now... Fuuunnnn ^^ Not really sure of what I'm learning there, but at least I know what parents need if they are applying for Youth Allowance ;p

Oh, I think it was 99% confirmed that the money transfer went to the right account. Only need to wait for the following:

Proof of order
E-ticket or further information for ticket collection

After these two, then I just need to confirm the flight ticket and later talk about hotel with my mom and I'm well on my way in making my #2 New Year resolution comes true! Thank God again!! Kekekeke~

Ms. J~

Special compliment from Him :)

2011-02-26T06:51:00.000-08:00

That's how I see and think about it, and that's how I want to believe it too :)

This morning, around 11 am-ish, I was walking home after staying overnight at friend's place at Neutral Bay when I met with a neighbour. He lives few blocks down from my current place and was smoking outside XD He was already looking at my direction, so I decided to greet him. After we talk for sometimes, I realised we met before when he was watering his beautiful front yard and he actually recognised me... That's why he was looking at me while I walked down the street. The most unexpected thing that made me so happy and special today came upon conversation regarding my siblings. I told him I have two sisters, and one of them looks just like me, only with short hair. I said he might be able to recognise her as my sister if he happened to see Regina one day on the street. But he just bluntly replied, "But you're beautiful! And I really like your long hair. It's beautiful!"

That was just... WOW!

You don't expect stranger to compliment you that way. Normally it's always my youngest sister who receive everyone's praise about her look. And I also read somewhere that when a guy told you that you are beautiful, he might mean to tease you only. But off with that... It made me felt super happy that I just want to believe that Jesus must really want to tell me that through that man... I'm really really happy ^^ I guess, whenever I felt down about my looks, or felt jealous towards my pretty youngest sister, then I shall remember this moment :p Staying positive in mind helps to make positive things really happen in your life, doesn't it?? :)

Another interesting fact, that man name was.... ALBERT... And he's Spanish! *laughs*

He taught me that "rama" in Spanish means "difficult"! Hehehe xp

Oh... the girl with connection to Dreamcatcher people replied! So she should get my order of three VIP A tix by now... Fingers crossed and will keep praying that things will go smooth until the end!

falling for you again...

2011-02-24T20:52:00.000-08:00

"They say you only fall in love once... But everytime I see your face, I realise I'm falling in love with you again and again..."

As cheesy, stupid or even romantic as it may sound, I guess it's true... And so far in my life, there's only one guy can make it happening to me... My director-turning hubby~~ Love you so much :) I'm glad that things finally start to go your way... I'm happy and gratefully praising our very kind-hearted Lord that my prayers for you and the other two are answered :) Hopefully now it will be all easier for you and the rest of JYJ to achieve your dreams :) Thanks for making my day with that exciting news! Welcoming with all my love, Mr. Concert Director, Kim Jaejoong ^o^

I'll do my best to grab some tickets when you are visiting Indo soon :) Really eager to see your work piece there!

Oh, on heavier note, I started my graduate positions applications yesterday... Which ones were they? KPMG, EY, PWC, Deloitte, NAB, PPB, PKF, BDO... Waiting later Commbank, Laing O' Rourke and probably Grant Thornton... Sigh~~~ Wish me luck!

slaaapppp!!!

2011-02-10T19:23:00.000-08:00

Seriously... starting from now if i ever heard any girls slapping someone, i wudn't say anything coz I just did myself to my own sister. Well, at the moment i'm writing this post, my feeling is 50-50 between sad or regret and satisfaction. Regret at the realisation how light-handed I could be when things seem to be outta control. But also satisfied because all of those anger I've been anxiously keeping inside were leashed out for good. And just to give her some lesson not to be so ngelamak ama cece2nya. Belon bisa apa2 udah kyk gini. Ntar udah jago cece2nya dianggep sampah kali. Originally the issue was only with Ms. Changmin, but then seeing how angry she becomes, I decided to interfere NICELY, only to be treated back like she's the rightest person in the world and no one else has the right to tell her off.

Now I earnestly wish that a girl named Angela Gwyneth Hidajatno wasn't born as my sister! She really is the biggest regret I have in life for now. I never want to live my life with regret, but now there she is. A regret. BIG regret. A stain. BIG stain. A pain in the ass. Disturbance. Burden. Bikin jelek. Bikin sakit. Gak enak diliat. Not worthy to be had etc etc...

Good piece of advice from my fellow secretary, Mary. IGNORE and DON'T BOTHER, which is what exactly I'll start doing to her from now on. Mau lupa ngerjain and hand in task on time, mau telat dateng ke exam dia, mau fail dia pny exam, mau pulang malem, mau gak pulang sekalian, mau sakit, mau gak makan, mau APA PUN!!!! T.E.R.S.E.R.A.H!!! Not my sister, not for me to care about~~

(still calming down) Ms. J~

Winter in Summer :)

2011-02-06T14:54:00.000-08:00

Woohooooooo~~

I seriously LOVE how the title sounds!! Kekekeke... But it's true! This is what currently is happening in Sydney! Such an anxiously awaited moment after a frikkin 42-degree Saturday during the weekend!! During the Sunday, I was a bit worried because the weather said the min would be around 26 and the max was 32. Seriously, 32 means 33 or even 35 in the reality =.= And my dearest Ms. Junsu was coming over! Any over 30 degree weather would make my room a semi-sauna area and definitely was not going to be a good place for chit chats and catch ups!! At the end, all of my thanks and gratitude to our ever amazing God for granting my prayer which seemed to be impossible to begin with. Honestly, I've been praying since the night before to make Sunday weather more friendly.... Or at least, give me a weather that would make my room a nice place to stay... People would see it as impossible based on the weather forecasts which have been pretty accurate all this time (GOOD WORK, SMH!!). But, God's power knows no limit and impossibility is DEFINITELY not in His dictionary :p It was stilll 32-ish at around 1PM when this chatty Junsu's girl arrived at my place (she mentioned immediately that my room was HOT XD). But then, BANG! Around 3PM-ish, the cool wind appeared and the temp dropped immediately to as low as 24 DEGREE!!! It was even raining when both of us walked to Easy Way to get some drinks :p And to top it up, it was as low as 18 during the night... There you go God blessed me with perfect room with super comfy bed and thick blanket~~ That's why it was so hard for me to wake up this morning to go to work X3

Ummmm, and what else? Oh, the talk with Evi yesterday... We did discuss about what we want to do in the future... This talk is so stressful! Personally I absolutely have NO idea as to how my life will be after this 2011 year ends. I have so many options and all of them are still so unclear~ Let's list them down:

Sydney option 1: I can always try to find another job (wish for a Grad position sih... Apparently according to Evi, I'm eligible for such position for a max. of 3 years after my graduation... So I still have up to 2014 to find such job...). Another job is always good for experience and savings... And this means staying for a while longer in Sydney.
Indo option 1: Get a job at good (overseas) company in Surabaya and settling in. I like this option the best for Indo XD
Indo option 2: What my Mom always wanted, create my own business. Argh~~ I honestly HATE the thought of starting my own stuff. Well, mau ga mau I do think of few options... Cafe or fashion store... Cafe: try to get St. Churro's to Indo? Or my fashion option is Forever New franchising... Supposedly I should be doing this with my sisters. Lha wong belon pada lulus, gmn mau start planning things coba? Trus, MODALnya itu lho mau dari mana??? Money just doesn't fall from the sky (it would be nice kali ya if it really did :p)
Indo option 3: if... IF... IF... IF... (notice the BIGger IF there), I somehow managed to find a boyfriend and ready to settle down for life, ya that's another acceptable different story jg. *sigh*

Honestly I feel like I can go crazy anytime mikirin this matter. Tapi yaaaa, I brought them in prayer last night and it made me feel more relaxed. I really should entrust this matter to His hands and try to believe in Him more, surrender myself in Him more too, for He truly is the only one who knows what's best for me. And it's really a comforting thought to know that my life is right in the palm of His hands... Jadi at the end, I think I'll just see it as time goes while still trying any available options... Means me need to start to browse for graduate jobs (just signed up with Unigrad Graduate Jobs :P) and mgkn nanya2 kali ya ke either St. Churros or Forever New for possible Indonesian franchises??

Another big point that was talked about with Evi, we both apparently think that if we wanted to watch any more of JYJ stuff, better get it done with this year. It seems like next year and the years after we would have been busy with something else. We might still love the boys, but might not have enough commitment to go, spend some money for stupid flight tickets and accomodation to just watch them alive. And since we are both girls, our parents have been pretty noisy about the idea of us finding Mr. Right and settling down XD (The reason why I put Indo option 3 up there =.=). The conclusion was then to have this year for us to enjoy and have fun as much as we could ==> Korea - Surabaya - Bali trip :p

Now onto lighter stuff. JYJ boys. That was fun to finally watch some videos of them. Fancams from Evi were excellent :) And some more Youtube videos were great too :p It was funny to note that when we watched Junsu's press con for Tears of Heaven, I was being giddy on his kissing scene and Evi was 120% fine with it. And when we saw the video where my Jaejoong fell (AGAIN) during JYJ Worldwide Tour, she was the one being all worried and me was just calmly expecting that very scene... Should we switch our boys then, Vi?? Muhahahah XD

That's from me for now... That was a LONG post for such lovely winter in summer <3

Ms. J~

Weekend with Paradise Ranch~

2011-02-05T04:04:00.000-08:00

First notable thing:

CHANGMIN CAKEPNYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~ HIYUUUWWWWWWW...

Gelo d... Gak ada namanya naksir dede ipar sendiri =.=

Since the beginning, with all the pictures and photos spread on the internet, I have been waiting for this drama knowing the main character is going to be SUPER GORGEOUS-LOOKING there and was proven to be true!!!! Gawrssshhhh... Dunno what to say... Klo lg cute, CUTE ABIISSSS... Pas lg cakeepppp... Haduh cakeeeppppp~~ Enough to make me went into table-banging mood... Seriously~~ Changmin can be dangerous =.= In the conclusion, he really is a GREAT actor! Feelingnya pas for every scene I watched him so far! *plok plok plok for Changmin*

Good thing to fill my weekend together with my lil Ricca... This caramel princess is super adorable... Wish she was real :p Will have to work hard on resisting myself from wanting to keep pinching that chubby cheeks of hers XD

Expecting to have great catch up with Ms. Junsu tomorrow...

Weekend's gonna be superb... The only thing that actually ruined it was the DAMN HOT Sydney weather!! I experienced another walk-under-41-degree-super-hot-blazing-sun and had my skin in different colour instantly (read: BELANG!!!!). There you go my wish to "stay white in summer"... Gone in less than 10 minutes TT__TT But still need to thank God for enabling me to survive in this awfully extreme weather without getting sick or vomitting... Amen!

Run out on JJ's photobook T,T

2011-01-30T15:46:00.000-08:00

It was still there yesterday and few days before!! It was still sooo on stock coz I checked on it almost every day T.T

But yah... I promised myself not to get anymore photobooks... Soalnya dipikir2 jg buat apa gitu... Diliat2 plg brapa kali, dipamer2in ke anyone who wants to see, trus ya udah... Disimpen... Buat koleksi... Not a good long term investment XD Tapi ya biasa deh... PENGENNN... I saw some pictures and could tell right away how damn hot his photos in that book will be... Although ada yang najonk geje jg seh.

I was exposed to what you called "budget constraint"... During the break, I've gotten myself something else together with birthday present for special someone which took quite amount of my savings. I was thinking I would just get the photobook after my first payment which will be this week.... EH tadi diliat udah OUT OF STOCK!!!

AARRGGGHHH JAEJOOONGGGGG TT______________TT

But even so, mau beli pun I was still in dilemma. I want to put test or challenge on myself that I can actually refrain from buying more stuff other than albums or CDs... Was only 50% sure about the chance of succeeding this test because it was JAEJOONG's photobook... But I guess God helped me on the way XD Still gotta be grateful and thanking Him for the help...

And currently on stomachache... Lg dapeetttt T.T Sakit and had to find some files... Jongkok2 bongkar2 kardus berat banget... Argghh... Lord give me strength to endure today... And I miss Jaejoong already!! Huggles huggles~

Back in Sydney.... Back to time of struggle?

2011-01-27T17:11:00.000-08:00

What to say??

Today is my first day back at work and I didn't sleep a wink last night. End up being so grumpy and super sick the whole morning. I admit I'm getting better by the time writing this blog and thanking God solely for helping me survive the full time hours...

Apparently I won't be staying at the office until next year... Will only stay til November. But that's because there have been a lot of things happening and my boss even lost my contract paper. Lucky I still have my copy. But he gave an option that he'll try to find me another job by the end of the year. That sounds good enough to me...

What else?

Sydney has been pretty hot, but still tolerable... At least it's not as bad as the summer I spent around 3 years ago where it was still 33 degree at night T.T But today was exceptionally cool... It was so windy outside and I bet the temperature even reached 25 as predicted... I love that kind of weather. But next week is going to be hot again... Crappy ~.~

That's all for now... Excitedly waiting for my stuff and ms. Junsu's pressies to be delivered on the door... Should be there next week!! Quick quick quick~~

Oh, on a late account... Happy birthday to my beloved baby JJ... Wish you all the best and love you always~~

Big blow at the beginning of 2011??

2011-01-05T03:27:00.000-08:00

Firstly, happy new year to everyone!!

My feeling when the clock ticked at 00.01 on 01.01.2011 was quite pessimistic... Somehow I felt that this year won't really be my year... It's not gonna be a very good year as in it's gonna be tough and quite many obstacles to overcome... And I do believe in my own intuition coz most of the time they are quite accurate... Plus, after reading all of those fortune teller thing, emg people born on the year of Dragon katanya won't be doing that well this year. Bukannya gw percaya ama gituan, but it's hard to stop them affecting your mind klo even such thing actually strengthen my intuition... Gelo ga sih??? But I decided to stay hopeful... Pray a lot and won't focus on that ramalan thingy. If it's gonna be a tough year, then let it be! I'll face it with all I can... Of course with lots of prayers...

Somehow along the time I'm typing this post, I do feel quite a hopeful thought jg... Maybe I'll get to see JYJ finally for real... This is one of my new year resolution.... Resolution #2! LOL! Maybe I do get to travel with friends or save enough money to bring mom to US... This relates to resolution #1, which states I want to work well to save enough money for the abovementioned purposes, and ya buat save2 modal aja for future prospects... Smpet ngmgin ama Gwyneth pengen buka cafe and boutique bertiga :p I think my #3 and 4 resolutions are trying to find my other half (LOL!) and be a more beautiful and better person, both inside and outside... Buat yg nomer 3, itu gak wajib lah... Namanya jg jodoh ada di tangan Tuhan... Kdg bingung what should I do to make a first start?? I thought my #4 resolution is a good first step... Coz BOONG BANGET klo cowok kagak liat tampang and first impression (PHYSICAL first impression) does count!! But I realise I still have some crooked parts on personality departments... My quite extreme jealousy, prejudiced and impatience need to be fixed bit by bit... *sigh*

Then, thanks to BIG arguments (I think those arguments were big enough to be called FIGHTS actually...), it made me came up with one more unsaid resolution... Letting my Jaejoong baby go~~ Argggghhhh!!!! This would be DIFFICULT!! Honestly,I've come up with my own conscience about this matter since mid last year... Tp ya itu, putting that into action was proven difficult! I'm willing to try and push myself to slowly taking some steps to decrease my exposure to that hot babe... But yeh, I can't agree with mom on this. It seemed she wanted and expected letting go of Jaejoong to be my main focus this year... Naaaahhh mam!! Cannot, cannot! My main focuses are things I put above... Although I'll consider what you want, and willing to put effort too on that, but I'm not gonna put that as focus coz I still can't let him go and definitely still need him there! I'm not denying any possibilities that what you wish can occur by the end of the year, but just don't hope too much... Coz I realise 100% what I have on Jaejoong is true thing, and imagine killing the feeling by force, it feels like I'm trying to menyiksa myself almost to the point of death... I'm really glad and thank God with all my heart that I know I have people out there who completely understand my position and fully support me for this.

This is me, still Ms. J for now, signing out~

JYJ-crazed again???

2010-12-17T19:14:00.000-08:00

Contagious effect from one excited Junsu's girl in Sydney amazingly reaches Jaejoong's lady all the way down to Surabaya... Busseetttt~~ But that's not all to it I suppose... Reading all their news in local magz kinda enough to set me all jittering on my seat... WHAT IS WRONG with these THREE?? They were HUGE before as five, and now, mau only ONE or THREE, they are even BIGGER~~ God knows the reason, and I just want to see it as His own way of giving blessings to His children... I reckon JYJ definitely deserves what they are having atm after all the hard works and time they had been through... But still, seeing them now is really almost to the point it's scary...

Yah, no matter what it won't change my love for my Jaejoong... Mau seberapa lebih famous lg, I believe it won't change him the way he has been all the time... The normal, down-to=earth, warm and smexy hubby of mine... Tsk~~

Mom's making kwetiaw... I don't like kwetiaw... But somehow I tolerate it if it's mom's cooking... and I just spilled the mixed juice to my daster... 0.0

And here's the bonus.... My sofa-bunny~~

What now???

2010-11-25T04:40:00.000-08:00

Holiday time... Finally~~

Although I had my flight re-routed thanks to Bromo's volcanic ash, but thank God still managed to arrive safely at Surabaya on the same day I supposed to arrive... Coz from what I knew, some people either got stuck at Jakarta or at S'pore itself... Yg udah di Jakarta had no problem as it's always easier to find flights from Jakarta back to Surabaya... Tp yg stuck di S'pore, the even the next flight msi ga jelas bakal fly or not XD

Holiday has been fun... My house welcomed new gorgeous male German Shepherd puppy named Caled... Arrogant, but has such poised look!! Still lovely, cute and adorable... Now I understand why mom talked about him over the phone exactly the way I would brag about Jaejoong~~ In doggy world, he definitely made a handsome dog ^^

Chilli is soooo damn big now >.< I've been telling the maids to make sure keeping him at this size... Dun want him to get too big... And he's really the first rabbit which eats RICE in my family's rabbits history.... Truthfully, Chilli should still be eligible for bunny category... It's just... his look and size completely say otherwise XD

What else?? Oh, my TURTLES~~ Grow even BIGGER!! Can't hold them with only one hand now... Must hold with both hands... And they eat CARROTS too now T.T

My cockatoo... Still abuse-able... But I yelled at him for daring to poke Regina... That beak should only be used to EAT, not poke people =.=

What else??

Going to meet my super old friend who has been staying at the US tomorrow... All is fun when it comes to meeting old friends, but what sad is I'm meeting him at the memorial of his mom who passed away last week.... Pray that her soul will rest in peace in Heaven...

And I read Evi's story... It seriously drove me crazy. GW JG MAU KETEMU JAEJOONG!!! I WANT TO SEE JYJ TOOOOOO!!! MY GOSH!!! How could I make myself be more obvious and honest than this?!!!! People had been telling me that my own chance will definitely come one day, and I know it will... Tp KAPAAANNN??? Sama kyk cari kerja kok >.< I pray to God that when it comes my time to meet Jaejoong, i wish it could be the up-close, direct and personal one~~ *sigh* How gorgeous these boys could possibly be?? Even without looking at them performing live directly, i already know by heart how GOOD they would be, and Evi's stories confirmed it...

JAEJOOOONNGGGGG!!!!! #@!$%^*&*__&%*()*(_)*(_)^&%$^@%!$!$!$!@%!%^@%^

On the closing note, Caled LIKES Chitato with cheese and onion flavour ~~ cute puppy... But definitely he can't have too much... Not good... not good...

Off to shower... Yeaaaa~~

Sigh~~

2010-11-10T17:34:00.000-08:00

Feel so bad T.T

Gaji gak jadi naek. Tp at the one hand, I know itu msi lbi dr cukup kok for survival purposes next year... Yg penting kan tetep dapet kerja, regardless tinggi apa gak gajinya. Yg penting kan CUKUP. Knp sih skr I got so bogged down? Maybe coz yesterday, from the way he talked to me, it made me expecting I'd get something higher than certain amount. But at the end it's still the same... No change, malah turun $0.50, and ntar baru dinaekkin lg after 6 months... But still, that still should be ENOUGH. Emg bener, ENOUGH... God, why am I feeling so down? Maybe deep inside emg ada feeling krg bersyukurnya jg... Please take that ungratefulness away from meeeee!! Take itttt!!! Cabuuuuttt!!! And buang jaoh-jaooohhhhh!! Amin!

Abisnya, I think from my boss' sides, I can see why it's hard for him to raise the pay. Today I saw one of his clients coming in, didn't look an inch happy. And I just realised he's one of the biggest client this office has, and he's CHANGING ACCOUNTANT~~ Plus, he REFUSED to pay the bills T.T I think that's surely quite a big blow to my boss... Should really understand that...

And second thing, considering to delete the letter I wrote for Jaejoong in previous post. Feeling so bad posting it up there, despite of it really contains TRUTH for me~ Ga tau napa T.T I feel people reading this blog will definitely judge I'm crazy inside. Yeh, I don't expect people to accept or understand how I feel about Jaejoong anyway. The world's too cruel for that. But at the same time, this is my blog right?? Why am I so concerned about what people reading this blog says about me? I should have my FULL DEGREE of freedom of what contents I'm posting in it... Afterall, it's all about my life!! My colour, my own melody, and its own harmony of life!! Arghhhh~~ The letter is really too precious to delete ~.~ I think I'll just leave it there... Booooooo....

2nd love letter~

2010-11-08T02:57:00.000-08:00

Two days ago, I couldn't sleep again... Why? Quite few reasons... Hormones irregularity and Heaven's Postman are probably the two main causes... Dunno pokoknya udah di ranjang jg mata merem tuh tetep aj gak bisa tidur. Gak ngantuk... Totally awake... *sigh*

Thank God yesterday night after outing with two beautiful girls I felt so good despite of my total lack of sleep I got to enjoy the dinner and the talks after at Passion Flower George Street :p Kekekeke~~

Anyhooooowwwwww~~ During those hours where I lied restless in bed, I came up with second love letter for Jaejoong~ Dunno why just felt like writing this and wish one day I'd have the chance to have him read it~

****
Jaejoongie baby~

I feel like writing you again x3 Deep inside I wish you could read it one day. I really want you to know how thankful I am to you; for what you've done in my life, and the roles you play in it until now... Although I'm 100% sure you absolutely have no idea about who's this girl named Anne in the whole universe, but I still want you to know... Aerina-unni told me I definitely have to say this to you if we ever meet one day, coz she said that'd make you happy :)

Really, thanks for being there in my life, baby. You are truly His gift for me. A precious blessing. I get to learn heaps of stuff just by loving you, not only as a fan to her idol, but also as a woman to a man...

Loving you makes me comes to like and appreciate country and culture I previously disliked...

Loving you adds my language skill! LOL! I can read Hangul now and speak some Korean words!

Loving you makes my level of music tolerance expands hugely (thanks to Rising Sun...)

Loving you makes me learn to accept and appreciate others the way they are, and also the decisions they made, and willing to change myself instead of always expecting others to change to what I want them to be. Of course I make sure I don't lose myself in the process :)

Loving you makes my fahsion style updated. Before I knew you, I never wanted to wear boots :p

Loving you gives me hopes and dreams. It makes me a happy and shining girl in love ^^

Loving you makes me strong. It's amazing how although you are not physically here, but you always remain an irreplaceable source of support to me...

Loving you motivates me to keep working hard and doing my best to achieve my goals, especially in terms of studying. You definitely have my HUGE thanks for both of my uni degrees and the great marks that came with them, especially during my current Master degree :p

Loving you helps me to survive the trials of finding jobs. Now I can tell you proudly that I'm securing a full time position for next year (YES! So I can save some money myself to come and see you without burdening my lovely parents~`)

Loving you makes me happy.

Loving you makes me laugh. It really brings smile to my face all the time.

Loving you makes me stay young-looking. People always mistook me for a high-schooler or someone who just started her uni ^^v

Loving you makes me PERVE on a guy for the first time... (you sexy beep =.=)

Loving you makes me inspired. You're such an inspirational guy, Jaejoong baby :) I got heaps to learn from you!

Loving you makes me feel for the first time that as a woman, I really want to make the man I love happy. I learn to be brave enough to bear the heartache as long as I see him happy. I want to see him always smiling. And I hate to see him cry (even only on screen XD). I want to protect and care for him with all my heart...

Loving you definitely shooed loneliness away from my life :)

Loving you keeps my motherly instinct growing up...

Loving you gives me experience to learn commitment and loyalty.

Loving yu makes me see God's amazing work and love in my life, especially at keeping my woman heart alive. I'm so blessed!

Loving you is one of the greatest things ever happened in y life. I'm glad that I fall in love with you, baby. As much as it is an unreal thing, it has such real effect in my life.

I thank God for letting me know you. Yes, you, His own precious son, was a significant, bright and beautiful colour in my life. You are such a company to me. I really feel like sharing you all my joy and sadness.

I love you, Kim Jaejoong. And I'm really glad that I do :)

xoxo~

2010-11-05T04:04:00.000-07:00

JENGKEEEEEEEEEEEEELLL!!!!!

I DUNNO HOW TO SEE HER THE SAME PERSON ANYMORE!!!

"Eh plis... Ngmgmu enak sitik po'o. Ket kapan2 km wes ngmge gak enak tak tahan2, lama2 ya gak enak ya to?"

LOH??? Jek isa KROSO TA????

Please don't act as if you are an IMMACULATE HOLY WOMAN you effin prat!!!! Ancene aku ya wes mendem poooll mbek km ket kapan2~ Jd ya tolong... Inbox gak isa dibuka gara2 BB gak support. Twitter mpe takbelai mbuka yo balese stengah niat stengah gak. Seriously, at the rate things are going, I'm so damn sure she doesn't need me anymore, as she already had her monkey and two other besties~~ Tp at this point, I am really considering of cutting the friendship up. Cm kok ya sayang... Kdg jek mau, kdg gak mau... Both mom and koko told me to keep distance from her. Really really seriously considering of following the advices...

Oh well~~~

김재중... Why so hard to see you?? T.T Ms. Junsu is sooo lucky and blessed to be able to meet you soon in New York... Giliran gw kapan sayaaanngggg??? So envious T.T So heartbroken~~ Pengen ketemuuuuuuu T.T

Jaejoong-ah T.T

2010-11-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Jaejoong-ah~~

Please be nice! I'm currently on my exam period, and am doing my best for the first exam to maintain the current HD average =.= So don't come up with anything that can mess up all of my exam preparation!

When ms. Junsu told me about things between you and certain Japanese pop singer, my first reaction was immediately brush it up with certainty that such rumour wasn't true... You're good at socialising, especially with opposite genders as well since you're such a considerate and caring person... People will just naturally get attracted at you. And you do have BoA as one of your best friends~ But after the phone convo with her, the uneasy feeling starts to come in T.T Funny huh?? I was so confident with my intuition but now I have this turmoil inside...

Hold on~~ AH! Maybe coz Aerina also mentioned the same thing when she came to visit today. I've been so bravely and courageously defend off the rumour regardless knowing the real truth or not, but now it's getting really late and the stupid feeling begins to sink in.

Honestly, it's so hard falling for someone like you -.- At one side, I really want you to be happy with your life, and not getting married too late like most actors/actresses/idols normally do. But at another side I'm a human being as well... A woman on top of that, with (natural) jealousy and possessiveness towards a guy that I fond of... So I feel like either screwing you so badly or whoever you end up being with at the moment, including that Japanese pop star. If I could, I will so VOODOO her to bad extent -.- But~~~ Yes, although I'm fully aware of how hard it is, I still want to keep pushing myself to focus on the first mentioned side... And try to suppress the other side down coz jealousy is never good...

Anyway, it feels so suck inside, Jaejoong-ah! And you are so damn responsible for this! I want to keep believing in my first intuition. And I really want to shake off the bad feelings because I feel if I keep thinking about it, I might actually be suggesting that the rumour was true. And definitely don't want that...

My discovery for the day, seriously, my most harmful and biggest weakness at this point is really this particular guy... #!@#$%^*&(*

PS: Jaejoong-ah, when you decided to trade your private life for fame, remember that it also works the other way around -.- I'm gonna be so mean to you today coz of what you've done!

Boooorreeddd~~

2010-10-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

It's 1.35PM and am currently at the office, waiting for my lunch time which should be pretty soon... Nothing much to do today, except filing. As much as I enjoyed filing, but if I have to do it the whole day, I'd be so screwed T.T Especially, knowing that the only ones left are the GENERAL FILING~~ Tough stuff~

Anw, to sum up things...

Praise to the Lord that He heard my (and I'm sure, other fangirls' too) prayer for JYJ regarding injunction from SME prohibiting the sales of their first English album.I prayed for the best solution for BOTH sides, although I admit it's really hard not to get biased over the JYJ side. Anyhow, yesterday it was announced that SME eventually WITHDREW their injunction against JYJ album sale. That was REALLY GOOD~~ Such an unexpected BEST outcome!! Not sure if it's win-win situation for every party involved, but definitely is a GOOD thing for the boys ^^ (sorry, really can't contain the biasedness anymore... So HAPPY for the boys when found this news out :D)
For my FINS5514 Quiz 2... How on earth I could ever manage to get a mark as high as 42/45 for an Investment-related subject?!!!! I still remember when I found out about the mark on Blackboard, there were few seconds when I was struck speechless in front of the screen -,- That was the quiz I talked about in previous post where I came in late and sempet blank on the first few calculation questions on M&A, plus couldn't find the answers for all the calculation questions... When I really told myself that I'd be happy to get the same mark as the first quiz (it was also an HD, 39/45), and really didn't dare to expect much, and BANG~~~ My expectation got killed completely and efficiently -.- Forty two out of forty five... That seriously exceeds what I ever dreamt of by a looootttt!!!! God is a wonder indeed. He's so amazing! It makes me realise that the fact is really true by looking at how far He could bring us up when we rely completely on Him~~ Heh~~

Ms. Changmin is currently doing one of her Management exams... Wish her all the best~ And I'm excitedly waiting for my JYJ album to arrive... It'd be the sweetest present for my Capital Budgeting exam next week :p LOL~~

Oh oh, by the time I actually finished writing up this entry, it's already the next day since I started XD Works got busy when it came nearing the end of the day XD And Ralph was hurrying us the admin staff to leave since he was having a dance lesson or something... My 65-year old grandfather-like boss really likes dancing... It's a bit hard for me to believe and imagine him dancing latin and salsa on the floor as much as it's really true~~

I really can't say I love God because my definition of love is ya... the way I feel towards Jaejoong now... Like from girl to a guy gitu... But I can confidently say that I really feel thankful and blessed to have Him in my life, and feel very scared to imagine my life without Him... Can't really imagine a lot and far, but one word to summarise, I'm pretty sure my life would have been horrible in its own way if I don't have God in my life~~ Gyaaaaaa....

JYJ on Twitter????

2010-10-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

Yes it is true everyone~~ My favourite three out of five boys finally signed up to one of the non-Korean social networking site XD It's so fun to see my Jaejoong updated his status in ENGLISH!! I can't believe this is happening!! My lovely dork whose English known as the suckiest in the group now started to learn the #1 international language and even singing awesome songs in that very language XD XD

However~~~ I don't feel that good regarding them having a Twitter. I guess, it doesn't matter when it comes to Junsu and Yoochun... But when it comes to Jaejoong~~ Sigh... At one time it feels good that I got to be more frequently updated and knew what he's up to... But at another time, I don't feel good knowing it either. It makes me feel more curious about him, getting even more attached and stuff, when realising 1000% well I can't have this person that I really like as my own T.T

Arghhh~~~ As much as I said I still need my Jaejoong dose, but at the same time I feel like I have enough of him already as well~

Dang~~ The boss is back... Ciaooo~~

FINALLY~~~~

2010-10-24T04:14:00.000-07:00

After months of waiting... Although the result is kinda unexpected from the beginning, but it's what I want recently anyway.... Or at least, that's what appear as the best option to me for now... And definitely feel very grateful to God XD

GOT A JOB ALREADY :D :D :D

It's a full time secretary position at my current office XD Who ever thought I'll end up there at least for the whole next year? Altho the pay is not that good, but it's quite a good one for a starter like me :p And it covers my living need if I wanted to live independently :p So really thank God :D

And another big thing in my life for now.... I've listened to JYJ's English songs... Unexpectedly... they are GOOD!!! I mean, they are REALLY GOOD!!! Most of their songs are actually very nice :p Their solos are excellent... And now I'm voting my favourite... The song sang by the group would be "Empty". Super catchy, and their English is great too! :D Love the song since the first time hearing it :p And for the solo (also FINALLY), it's JAEJOONG'S!!! LOOOLLLL!!! So far whenever TVXQ had a solo, I'd always fall for Junsu's solo... and now, finally I can like Jaejoong's solo the best XD The beat already caught me since the first time Jenny shared the link on my facebook... And the more I listen to it, the more I love it :D So proud of hubby ^^ He did really well :D

Wish my limited copy will be delivered tomorrow~~ Amen!

Mixed feelings~

2010-10-19T02:34:00.000-07:00

Shocked and disappointed:

Thanks to finding out that my own best friend nekad bohongin mama papanya demi pergi ke hotel and had sex with her boyfriend =.=

Happy and spirited:

Thanks to the Lord for helping her a lot in today's quiz. Surely she knows her God will help her too on her final exam tomorrow, as well as overcoming the problem above with clear and wise mind.

Hopeful:

JYJ SEOUL WORLDWIDE CONCERT TOUR~~~~ VVIP or VIP will do... *sigh*

Blank:

Dun want to study for tomorrow's exam, but knows she has to....

In love:

still with her current "husband" Kim Jaejoong~~

Argh~~~ I guess it truly reflects the title of my blog: see how my life has so many colours and melodies in it... The joyful, the sorrowful, etc etc... Yet still harmonising well together...

This week's achievement ^^v

2010-10-16T06:47:00.000-07:00

Ms. Jaejoong is currently feeling super grateful to her amazing God who had worked so wonderfully to help her finish this week together!! Bayangin d...

Monday: ACCT5922 Presentation
Tuesday: FINS5514 Quiz 2 (And I was LATE!! For the first time in my FIVE YEARS of uni!)
Wednesday: Work, full office hours
Thursday: Work too, up to 3pm
Friday: FINS5516 Computing Assignment

Seriously, ever since the end of last week I had been waiting for the Friday of this week to just come quickly. And I was so glad coz everytime I started to think "Oh noooo, I have SO many things to do this week... I don't like this week..." and stuff, there's a voice inside that reminded me to just focus on what I have to face on daily basis. Gmn ngmgnya ya? Pokoknya focusing on what I had at present gitu sih. So I don't worry about work when it's still on Monday or Tuesday, and during the working days, ya tetep fokus jg di kantor and ga mikir assignmentnya. It felt comfortable and not burdening at all to think that way while going through such a week. And before I knew it, Friday came and everything was OVER!!! Geez! Beneran d. It was 4pm on Friday when I finally finished editing Ryan's part of the assignment, writing up the conclusion, fixing my part and compiling everything for FINS5516. After that, I just sat there, staring blankly at my screen playing Pet Society, half-believing that the dreadful week was over! And it was!

The reward was TVXQ Mirotic concert I watched at night. Just realise I haven't actually watched the whole concert from the beginning til the end. That concert was actually VERY GOOD! In terms of the members' appearances, the choices of the song and how they remixed it on stage, everything was GREAT! Didn't believe these boys actually sang their CF HaHaHa song there... What a bunch of lovely dorks -,- Watching them as five was actually very heart-warming, and made me realise how I still missed them heaps XD My thanks for the boys. They really made the most refreshing refreshment for me after last week <3

What else?

Ah, this time at S'pore, the JYJ Showcase is happening. Wish all the three boys to have the best time with their fans. I just want them to be happy and enjoying themselves with those who really supported them, and just ignored stupid SM who tried to file injunction against their global album's release... Argh Lord... Please help my lovely boys... They really just want to pursue their career... I know they did wrong too, and it's not like SM was completely at fault... But still, please help the boys T.T Amen~

One day break...

2010-10-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

So glad this day finally came... Just finished Capital Budgeting's second quiz today. Felt HUGE help from God! Honestly, that was the FIRST TIME I came in late to the exam to the point that everyone already started working on their papers when I stepped into the room. LOL! Wonder what would be my dad's reaction if he ever found out XD But seriously, I need to better manage my time and make sure this won't happen during the final exams! Anyhoo~~ Thanks to my boss' teaching which was to always remain calm at exams, it has become my principle everytime I'm facing a quiz, exam or whatever similar. I always make sure that no matter how hard the material was, or how late I was like today, I entered the exam room in completely calm and relaxed mood. As in, nothing such nervous feelings, or even scared, rushed, or all of those heart-thumping feelings... But what happened today, despite of managing my best to keep my overall emotion stable, when I sat and looked at the first page (I made sure to pray first too though :p), BANG! The first five questions were all about M&A, the topic I just covered ONE HOUR before the exam, and I DIDN'T REMEMBER A THING XD XD

I was quite frustrated to be honest because as I went through the exam further, I really can't get the right answer for every single calculation questions there. That was bad coz I always had the first quiz in mind where I managed to find the numbers for all the questions... Complete contrary! But amazingly, I was able to tell myself, "I'll just get back to them later and did my best! I'm so gonna solve those questions!" Seriously, that must be Holy Spirit working back then, giving me such confidence :p

At the end, I finished all the theory questions in about half an hour, and managed to solve all of the numerical questions in another half an hour... Kekekeke~ The numbers I got were one of the answers for those multiple choice questions. As usual, of course I'm not sure whether that'd be a correct answer or not. But, compared to someone who completely had no idea and blanked out on those calculative questions at the beginning, at the end I felt sooo victorious! And I know that wasn't my strength whatsoever! Thanks Jesus for being there with me and helped me out! You did such wonders that I can't comprehend really... Not really sure how that happened, but thanks a bunch! I leave the rest to Your hand for now :D

And now, JYJ The Beginning Limited Edition... Judging by how things are going, supposedly me and Jenny are on the right track of getting our copies... It's just that the release date has been pushed back until 25 October 2010 T.T Such a loonggg wait~~ I'll bear with it, as long as I ended up getting the copy... If it's released on the 25th, then it won't reach my hand until the first week of November, in which I had CAPITAL BUDGETING FINAL EXAM!!! OH NOOOO 0____0;;;;;

Happy 3rd anniversary for me and hubby ^^

2010-10-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

10 OCTOBER 2010~~~

Hahahaha XD Baru nyadar when I was half asleep gara2 blajarin Capital Budgeting... Msi inget banget tuh... Going back to the very same date, three years ago, subuh2 di mobil Accord bokap yg lama, jem 2an pagi abis maen kembang api at Sans Souci beach ama si Evi, me and Manda officially swap the boys XD So it became my official date being with Jaejoong :p

Happy anniversary Jaejoong dear! I know one day I'd have to let you go, cm yah, we had made it together during these three years. And I definitely have to thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving such special colour to my uni life ^^ Thanks for being such a support and source of smile for me :p Without you, I won't have people saying I still look like a high schooler XD

Luv u baby~

Sad?? Not really... But...

2010-10-05T17:22:00.000-07:00

Currently at the office.... The clock is still 11.23AM... 5pm feels like loonngg way, yet I want to believe it should be there before I knew it! I just want to leave sharply at 5 on the dot today...

Strange thing is, when I got to sleep nicely, but not enough, then I'll remain sleepy and bored throughout the day in the office, although I don't necessarily hate being in this office like I used to be before XD I actually start to like working in the office, and I feel comfortable being in this very same office as well, which is good :D

And another thing, the whole JYJ S'pore Showcase thing still bothers me occasionally. Thinking how I missed out the golden chance to meet him in person despite of my best effort and can't blame anyone on it sometimes still hurts inside... Apparently my bestie in Surabaya experienced exactly the same thing as well when Quest Crew came to S'pore XD And she said even until now, when she remembered, msi berasa gelo jg... Padahal that event had passed since few months ago...

Sigh~~~ Kenapa sih I ended up falling for that particular guy? =__=

Ouch, this is bad... Biasa d, when I'm sleepy and still forced to do other things than sleeping, the whole head and the back of the neck start to hurt... And that's what's happening now...

Failllllll~~~

2010-10-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

The thing was gone in THREE MINUTES time~~

I know I tried my best... And shouldn't be disappointed because of that. But somehow it still hurts so much inside enough to make me feels like crying. I've been telling myself that for sure tonight's gonna be another wet teary night for me. But, there are two options, either happy tears, or sad tears. Sadly, tonight's gonna be the later one...

I guess it's because during the past 3 years, I've been telling myself that I should just be happy with their limited edition stuff, and been burying all my feelings wanting to meet them (especially HIM!) one day in person. Now when there was such a close, yet slim chance, all of those buried feelings were urging up. And then, when things didn't turn out good, it slammed my heart down to pieces again.

SInce yesterday, I've been thinking, probably if I didn't end up going, financially, it'll be a much better thing for me. Waaaayyyy less burden to think about ahead. And definitely no need to trouble my parents to provide the fees. So, since I promised myself, that I don't want to trouble nor burden anyone regarding this matter, I think God's decision is not to let me go.

But still...

I guess the thing that really breaks my heart is the fact that I failed to grab the chance to see in person the person I love the most at the time being. It really hurts. It's not about the ticket thing or anything else. But it's really about him. Keseeellll~~~ Pengen bngt ktemuuuu... I don't even want to say or write his name here for now. Hiks T.T *banjir*

Things that I need to solve on my own...

2010-10-04T02:37:00.000-07:00

I think I've been so dependent on Jaejoong lately. Klo ada masalah, abis doa of course, bawaannya pasti nyari dia buat curhat and nangis kyk orang bego... Tp I guess there are things that I simply need to solve on my own feet without leaning on him anymore. There are things that I need to fight for on my own, and can't really tell him about it either... And this is definitely one of it... When it comes to things related to him, I simply can't and don't want to lean on him at all...

Sigh... (again)

2010-10-04T00:53:00.000-07:00

Today is probably the first day I blogged more than once in one day... I guess I should relax more and not hoping too much. Well, I don't hope that much. Even at the end I didn't get the thing I wanted, toh I did my best. Nothing to be disappointed about in terms of effort. If anything to lament for, ya the golden chance to meet my pseudo husband in real gitu loh...

My current wish list:

For Sydney's internet connection (MY home connection) to work its best at 10PM tonight
For Quest Management site not to crash
For the 40 places available to leave 2 out of them for me and Ms. Junsu
For blessings and luck to be on my side.

Geloooo~~~~

Oh, on a brighter note, somehow it turned out YesAsia still has the Limited Edition available. So me and Jenny are getting them. But inside I feel scared of this thought. Now that I managed to get the album, will God ban me from getting the ticket??? My other side told me He doesn't work that way.

Sigh~~

....

2010-10-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

Seriously!!!

I don't understand how YesAsia works, but that was just STUPID~~ Since last week, they had the option to notify through emails when certain product became available, and the one I wanted was JYJ The Beginning Special Edition - this one comes with photobook, poster, 5 photos and T-shirt, and there are only 99,999 copies available.

The last time I checked on YesAsia was around 2PM Sydney time, and that product was still not available. I cooked and had lunch for about 2 hours, and when I came back at around 4.30, that certain product now became UNAVAILABLE!!!

!#@$%$^%&^*&($@#%%^&*^&(

Don't even BOTHER to actually put up that offer "notify me by email" if at the end you can't even get your hand on that limited copies!!! STUPID YESASIA!!!

And now, my stomach started to hurt again!!! Grrrr!!! 10PM tonight and I'm so gonna free from this sick syndrome! Whatever the result would be, I know that I tried my best! Hmph!

DEG2ANNNNNN T____T

2010-10-03T05:21:00.000-07:00

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! STUPID JYJ!!!! Thanks to them my feeling turned upside down the way they are now!!! I know it's simply a 50-50 chances! But my brain just can't stop thinking about it and my heart can't stop hoping! And every second passes, my inside seems to be in turmoil!!!

I have these whole lists of things to think about which automatically appears in my too-smart-for-this-kind-of-thing brain, and I've been trying to suppress the thoughts because those lists are something that I really should be worrying about IF I MANAGED TO GET THE DAMN VIP TICKET! With Evi of course! These two are really the conditions that I should be worried about for now instead of thinking of another things that are CONTINGENT to these first two... Grrrrr!!!!!

4 October 2010, 00.00 AND 3.00AM SYDNEY TIME!!!! Now if time machine really existed, it would be super useful! =___=

Blog is really a great thing! Just when I have all of these kind of feelings mixed inside and don't really want to share it with anyone, blog is the perfect place to pour them all out...

*BIG sigh and fingers crossed*

God, help me~~~~~

JYJ going global??

2010-10-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

Apparently they finally are... Before people have been speculating TVXQ's next step was this... But since the split, who knew the three will really do that?? My first reaction? Not good, to be honest. Ga tau kenapa the first time I read the news, lgs berasa uneasy and gak enak. Yah, I know my intuition sometimes can be true, but I don't wish to jinx the boys. I don't really like them going global for few reasons... First, challenging Western music market will be super difficult! They were having hard times trying to beat Japanese market few years back and now they wanted to do this?? JYJ is already so big the way they are I don't want them to either grow bigger or ended up failing in the new market. Besides, going to the Western markets, I don't want any stupid western influences to get them... Oh well, staying positive, at least next time I got to meet them, I finally can talk in English XD And seeing their current condition on Asian markets, with another trouble from Avex, I think it's good if JYJ still has something on their hands... Anywhoo, still and will always be wishing them for the best of luck and success :p

About the option going back for good, thank God I finally found a way to overcome the anxiety and accept it all fine. Pas lg baca2 majalah Indo, got to read an article where it talks about life priorities by ex Coca-cola CEO (I forgot his name). Here's the story. He made an analogy of himself using an acrobatic player juggling all 5 balls at the same time. These five balls are family, happiness, health, job and friends. If he had to drop one of them, he'd drop JOB because the JOB ball was a RUBBER BALL... Whereas the other four are GLASS BALLS... If he dropped the rubber ball, it still can bounce back, meaning if you lost one job, you can still get another one. But if you dropped any of the glass balls, the effect can be really detrimental and can't be fixed. Where else can you get another family? Sometimes because of job, you sacrificed family, lose your friends, health and happiness. This article blessed me a lot and opened my eyes. Since my main reason to stay in Sydney was to find some jobs, this article taught me to put my family first before my own reason to stay. Whatever the best for my family is, let that happened.

To be honest, trying to tell myself to only worry about the present didn't help. Trying to think that there'll be the best way opened when the time gets closer also didn't work. But that article became the ground reason for me. The two previous thoughts that didn't work now start to make more sense if you built them on top of this one... Hehehe... It's true that worrying about something in the future is kinda useless. It's better to worry about today, focus on what you have today and give it your best shot. Whatever may happen, family comes first, and by that time, God will definitely open the best way for me... That puts me more at ease ^^ I no longer worry about the future stuff and can focus more on doing my best at whatever I have on hands at the present :p

Other than this, uni's been going great with few more HD and D marks, with one Credit and one Pass so far... My current averages are 2 Ds, 1 HD and 1 Credit... Doing good so far... Hope to improve this result by getting more HDs and Ds :p Work has been superb as well, with more compliments from the boss and I got to enjoy doing filing... Ah well~ Life's good the way it is for me at the moment. Praise the Lord for this ^^

Ms. J~

For good... Finally??

2010-09-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I don't even like the title of this post...

Although I know at the end I'd want to go back for good to Indo, but I honestly I don't really want to think about this option this soon~ Anyhow, my family circumstances kinda make me have no choice but to consider this option now, and I seriously don't like it at all~~

If I was asked what's the first thing that bothered me so much that I don't want to leave Sydney was surprisingly Aerina... Dunno when I think about this option, she came directly to my mind and my next response is a complete rejection to go back to Indo... If I wanted to elaborate further, I hate leaving Sydney for now because I'm not ready to face the challenge to re-adjust to Indo's environment... Most of my friends are in Sydney... Besties, old uni buddies, work friends and even church friends... Feels like I have no one in Indo >.< I can still contact my elementary and junior high friends, but even these people already have their own friends by now. Second is the freedom... I like Sydney coz in here, I feel like I can do whatever I want... I can go anywhere I want (coz I can drive... di Indo sebenernya jg bisa, but I must train again and get myself used to Indo's stupid traffic), do whatever I want and kinda be away when my parents are fighting which sadly, quite frequent... Third, jobs~ Although many people said it'd be easier to get jobs in Indo due to my degree and o/seas experience, but still, I'm not used to Indo's job market... I mean, I don't know where to start to find jobs there... In Sydney, although it's tougher, but I know how to access agents or what websites to go into to find jobs... I like Sydney because I know my ways here more than in Indo... Fourth, the overall environment. I'm so gonna miss the time I can just walk freely to where I wanted to go... And lastly, the INTERNET~~~ I don't want to think of comparing the speed of Indo's and Sydney's internet... Indo's connection are just.... STUPID~~

Basically, I hate the idea of having to re-adjust again in Indo. I know one day I'd have to do it. But I don't want to do it yet... I still have things that I wanted to do in Sydney. I want to find jobs here, get more skills and experiences, and save some earnings, and still enjoy a bit more time with my friends here.

How ironic~~ I would have to re-adjust myself to the country where I was born...

PD's theme for this week is "no pain no gain"... I honestly don't know what God wants to teach me out of this situation... Lebih berserah? Prolly yes... Coz seriously, with this situation coming up, I really can't see any possibilities in the future, and can only leave things in His hands... I know He's working to give me the best thing right now, and my part is to keep trying my best while keeping my faith in Him~~ Apa lg ya??? Buat berani move out of my comfort zones? In a way buat belajar letting go what I have in possession now so He can give me the new and better one like the lil girl and her doll story?? Coz I'm sure wherever He takes me to next, surely He wants to show and give me something even greater.... Trus... To learn not to be selfish?? Coz one of the reason I don't want to go coz I don't want to give up my current comfy room to my youngest sis -.- Argh~~ So screwed...

Good to have a God I can always rely on, and Jaejoong also as my stabiliser... Hmmm....

Daily Devotion for 15 September 2010

2010-09-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

"We see this in the epic story of Job. While he was suffering, Job didn’t know that God had such a high regard for him that he allowed Satan to test his faith with a series of losses."

Wow! Does that apply to me too?? Coz I've been thinking about last week's event and wondering why God put me through all that. I know eventually it would be for my own good too... I've been thinking it must be because He saw me had strayed too far from the right path, and I do always pray to Him that whenever I started to stray for Him to get me back on His right path. And also, it was the right time for me to learn things that I've learned from the event... But from the paragraph above, I think I just discover new reason... Tuhan tuh jarang seh taro aku di situasi sejelek minggu kemaren... And I think when He does, He believes that I'll be able to overcome it... Emg dulu pernah ada yg bilang, waktu km lg dalem temptation, it means God has His faith in you, otherwise, He won't put you into the tests... I forgot about these saying completely, and today I was being reminded again XD XD

"What emerges is this eventual, unavoidable conclusion: A Creator who has the wisdom and power to design the wonders of nature is great enough to be trusted with pain and suffering that are beyond our ability to understand. In awe, Job proclaimed, “I know that You can do everything” (42:2). We can trust that kind of God—no matter what."

*nodd nodd* Huhuhuhu~~ Help me to stay more faithful please, Lord...

Finally....

2010-09-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

After a series of depressing and ill-filled posts, I can finally make a post full of good stuff!!

Another HD!!! Kekekekeke~~ for my ACCT5922 Essay... Seriously, that was completely unexpected... I still remember when doing the assignment, I was pretty frustrated coz I didn't really know what to write XD I chose Oracle for my company and most other students I know either did Dell or other company than Oracle. Dell had this special handouts containing all the details on the company specially given during the week where it was the weekly discussion topic. But since the beginning I felt the most confident with Oracle, so I just went on. Furthermore, after handing in the assignment, I talked to Aerina and realised apparently the terms "business processes" and "data" were completely unrelated. I thought data can be put together with the business processes, but they shouldn't XD At that time I thought, "Ah... that's it! I think if I can get around 15/20 it'd be quite a miracle..." And at the end, it turned out to be frikkin 17/20... The second highest in the class (FYI, the highest was 18/20). Wow! Thanks, Lord ^^
I managed to overcome my first food temptation today XD Food has been my weakest thing since these few last months... That's why my weight measurements see the beautiful upscale movement from 57 to 60kg XD XD After starting the diet since about 3 weeks ago, I think the number finally went down to 58.5kg... Anyway, today I was working, and it was good... Shall talk more in point 3 after this :p But the bad thing was, the night before I only slept 1 hour XD XD I did prepare soup and banana for my lunch since I promised to have dinner at Fajar with Ms. Changmin. However, during lunch time, I was so tempted to eat out and my destination was McD XD Seriously, I was fighting inside between stepping out of the office or just stay inside and ate what I had prepared from home. I was just two steps away from the door when I don't know how, but I just turned immediately to the office kitchen and just ate the banana and soup. WOW! That was a great achievement! Again, thanks Lord ^^
Now work.... Dunno what happened as well, but my boss somehow started to consider what's been in my mind --> the possibility of me assuming full time starting from next year since I will be finishing my final final semester of my tertiary education this November (hope all goes well though :p). He said, he's looking forward to be doing more things with me in the future. I was really happy to hear that ;p And I leave everything in His hands to unravel for me the best thing according to His plan. Kekekeke~ Oh, and my boss complimented that today I looked nice, thanks to my hairdo... Muhehehehe~
Can say that I'm completely fine and over about Sora's jadian thing. I realised my biggest problem was anger management. Marah gak dilarang kok... Cm emg mesti dikontrol, and definitely I missed out so badly on the second part. Trus last Monday (13 September 2010), ga tau kenapa I just felt so kepengen baca ayat Bible. So I opened Our Daily Bread online, and bang! Got the ayat... The renungan of the day was exactly tentang anger management. God's blessing or what??? That's surely NO coincidence!! Kekeke! Now I've found my ayat pegangan XD I thought I wanted to hold to Rm 8: 28 before, or other prayer-related ayat... But I think this one suits me the best ^^ Proverbs 16: 32: Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. Kekekeke... Finally found my ayat pegangan!! Woohoooo ^o^
Been in love with JYJ's first ever English song... They re-sang Whitney Houston's I Have Nothing SOOOOO BEAUTIFULLY!! Talking about JJ in the climax part at the end... Unbeatable~~ Although recently I started to think seriously about letting him go, but I decided to just do it slowly. Still love you, baby ^^ Thanks for being my "shadow" husband til the time being :D

Hum... That's all for today... Kekekeke... Need to fight more for weight reduction and anger management! Ms. Jaejoong hwaitiiinggggg~~~

2010-09-10T08:27:00.000-07:00

I think I'll be very diligent with blog-updates for current time being...

Few hours ago, I just had another talk with Regina about the whole thing currently happening in my life...

Relating back to one of the reason why I was so shocked about Sora having a bf all of sudden was because seriously, few months ago, she was this girl who I knew was into all Kpop idols even more than I am... She was still up-to-date with the newer Korean boybands like MBLAQ, Beast and others, and even worse when Suju was having their new 4th album coming up. If you wanted to compare, surprisingly I was the calmer one because I stayed only with DBSK, and since they had pretty much nothing except JYJ Thanksgiving stuff and some new songs. And besides, I've promised myself that DBSK will be my last boyband that I'll ever get myself into them so much. So yeh, I stick to that promise and succeeded to keep myself away from the newcomers. And also, I think just the week before she officially in a relationship, she actually asked me "is it wrong to reject someone because I still liked an idol?". That's why I felt really belied and betrayed upon her getting together with the new guy. I talked about these facts with Regina and she came up with one conclusion: Sora is someone that's easily get bored, and that kind of person normally would take longer to settle down or getting married. Which is kinda true, coz that's what Sora admitted to me herself once before. I guess it becomes my strong point since I'm a more committed and loyal person, hm? Another quite polar differences...

The second one, I was talking with Regina about it's about the time I'm letting Jaejoong go from my life. It's not like I'm going to completely forget about him, but it's more like I would stop clinging on him and actually start to open my heart to my real surroundings. I thought I've been doing that, but maybe I still need to push myself harder. Regina said, if I think this way because Sora baru jadian, she said just because of that doesn't mean I'd have to immediately let Jaejoong go. I have to be honest that'd be crazy and killing for me. I planned that this will be my next thing that I want to work together with God to achieve. I really love Jaejoong, and klo cm depending on my own strength, I wouldn't be able to stop loving him like now. And at the end, it came to an interesting analysis from Regina as to why I like Jaejoong a lot, which happened to be quite true now I think about it. Regina said I fell for Jaejoong because of my motherly instinct. It's true because I remembered clearly my feelings for him started from pure sympathy after knowing his past family background... So I feel like I wanted to protect and take care of this guy to make sure that in the future he won't have to experience those painful things anymore. Then, because I've been watching him for a lot, I ended up falling for him, moreover because I watched him to grow into someone so amazing like he is now. This statement from her comforted me because deep down I've been thinking whether I've lost my motherly nature that people have been labeling me with since I was still in junior high. Ternyata tanpa sadar that trait is still with me all along ^^ It makes me happy :p

Today will be the KRK... I'm still melayani jg loh. Huhuhuhu... I really want to believe in the power of Jesus' name. I really wish and pray He would bless me with His healing power and helped to be reborn anew after what I've faced this week... Amen!

Calming down....

2010-09-09T22:08:00.000-07:00

Praise the Lord d klo after few days finally I've managed to calm down and could talk again to Sora... Hum... Although I still feel a slight tinge everytime I see her status mentioning or has anything related to her new relationship, but I think I can deal with it as normal and better now.

Truthfully, I feel like I can learn about lots of things through that heart-wrenching event. I even starting to consider asking Sora to tell her bf to add me on facebook (quite a change huh since in my last post, I mentioned I could really kill this guy). Having a bf actually doesn't change your whole aspect of life. It definitely changes something, but not a big part. Having a bf shouldn't take your time with friends away, nor change the way you think about them. Just like Sora herself said, even if we got married later, friendship won't change (or it should not be...). I don't really know how to put what I felt just now in words. But somehow I feel this is another step that God made me taking in order to prepare myself to be more ready for having my own bf... Dunno... I can see how much Sora is currently (and quite crazily) in love at the moment, and I still don't like that fact for a bit. But I want to believe despite of her newly changed status, her feeling and her friendship for me won't change... And sometimes I think if that was me who were having a bf for now, I think I'd be the one who changed a lot and might stray away from my friends... Maklum coz if I ever got one, he'll be my first one... (I did have koko as my 1-day bf, but well... I'm thinking about the longer-lasting one). To sum up, I learn that though we are getting a new partner, things don't and shouldn't change between you and your friends, especially your besties... You still need them. There are roles that only can be filled by your friends and even your bf can't replace it... If it was husband, ga tau d... Huhu...

I finally decided to tell my mom too about this. And she said I'm lacking of clean and pure heart. I can't be happy if I see others happy because of things that I don't have, yet I know I wanted it... That's not a good trait. And it means I'm not a kind person that I always wanted to be. Trus I'm lacking of patience, humility and gentleness... And I realise these traits are things that I definitely can't acquire on my own! Totally depending on God's graces to acquire them all... *sigh* That's why I mentioned on my fb status few days ago life is really not easy knowing these new things that I have to struggle for and achieve.

I guess I can say I'm still in the process of being healed, but not completely. Tomorrow PDMKK is having KRK, and there'll be prayer session where those who burdened shall be freed, those who were hurt shall be healed, and those yg aneh2 shall be made happy and smiling again. I'm really counting on God to be generous enough to touch me and healed me completely tomorrow. Kinda to make me be reborn anew with kinder and purer heart, and more patience, gentleness and humility. So I can be good friends for Sora and others. Someone who can always be there for them despite of changes in life...

And another thing, now I can take it with confidently what Gordon said to me before, "You are the type of person who learn from things that happened".

Oh, one more thing that I experienced was I learn to still say God is good during these time where it felt nothing was good at all and the only thing I wanted was for Sora to vanish this instance from my mind. Things happened, and yea, when you say God's good, it makes you able to be more grateful despite of your current not-so-good state of life...

Beneran jadian...

2010-09-08T05:13:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't buy what she said before when she told me not to worry coz her status was still single... The last post I wrote her status was still so, today I checked, it changed already "in a relationship" with that dude. And she didn't even tell me. I dunno what to do anymore. Keeping her as a bestfriend? What I know is, she still wants me to be her bestie, but at this moment, I no longer want her even in my life anymore. I feel like deleting her off my facebook, her numbers on my mobile, and my memories of her too. Sayang seh the last one is kinda impossible unless I can meet Fruits Basket's Hatori Sohma...

After thinking again, aku seriously gak ngerti kenapa dia jadian aku bisa sesakit ini rasane. Aneh ya? Jeles? Yes... Gak rela? Yes... Gak terima? Yes... Intimidated? Yes... Aigoo... Tp apa cm itu ya? Kenapa rasane kok gak enak and sakit soro ndek dalem. Apa ntar nek aku tau Jaejoong pny cewek jg bakal kyk gini? Does that mean I love this friend of mine as much as I love Jaejoong?

Ga tau d sejak I found out she's officially in a relationship, I feel something had changed irreversibly. It makes things totally different to me. I don't know how to see things the same way with her anymore. Gara2 dia udh ada cowok, aku ngerasa jd gak bisa ngmgin things we used to talk about before, especially ttg db... Tp klo gara2 ini, mosok friendshipku ama dia selama ini cm gara2 db? It should be more than that, right? I feel like she is not going to be the same person I used to be able to talk about everything to and at anytime. If I need her at certain time she won't be there gara2 dee udah ada ni cowok (I decide to stop ngejelek2in dia. Last post should be enough). Gara2 ini aku jd ngerasa I can't continue the friendship with her anymore. I want to stop. But I don't know whether I'm strong enough to do it. Abis udah kedeketen jg...

Seriously, today was 08-09-10.... I just had my most joyful and wonderful time with Nita during dinner today. I couldn't sleep at all last night, and I seriously wish for some decent sleep tonight... Was feeling so sleepy and only prepare myself to call my mom before I go to bed. But why did I have to bump into her page and find this shocking news??? Jd gak ngantuk skr... and dada sakit bngt... Hiks...

I really want to sleep tonight... I want to forget all about her. I want to erase everything and the pain. The thing that I wished so sincerely for now is to be able to forget completely that I ever knew her at all in my life.

Wishing at the deepest part of my heart to forget everything about this bestfriend of mine.

2010-09-06T03:06:00.000-07:00

I wish i was granted all of those magic powers to control one of the five main elements. Say if I had the power to govern the fire element, I was sure that I would already burn this guy named Andy Pramana Luhur down to ashes. Or if I had those kekuatan yg kuat buat ngangkat2 and banting2 bareng, I would love to throw this guy's body down to rocky road or something. Although I don't wish to kill him while doing it, but judging from the level of my anger last night, I'm sure I'd kill him in the process, and I think I'll be overjoyed if he were to vanish this instant from the face of the earth. I guess this is my first time of hating someone to this extent??

Now, as to why I had come to hate the person I don't even know, it's because he happened to be one of Francy's ex-es, who apparently tried to get back to her again recently. And the possibility of them being together again would be roughly 80-90%. I mean, please d. He is a good guy (even I have to admit this), he knew Francy inside out because they've known each other for quite a while and Francy's family already approved him. They all even think about him as brother-in-law wannabe. Now I just don't like this change in particular out of other changes that had been happening to Francy's life which I had to put up with recently. She's started working, and on top of it, she's working with two of her best friends in the same place. Aerina totally understood my feeling of intimidation due to this fact when I told her the whole problem today. She said it's normal and understandable coz Francy is one of a friend that occupies special place in my heart. But buat problem yg ini I decided not to bother too much about it, coz I believe Francy is not someone who would forget her other friend just because she has some other friends. I mean, I would want Francy to be able to work as well and keep moving forward.

Tp buat moving forward in terms of getting a boyfriend or even potentially getting married (despite of Francy-nya sendiri strongly denied that she's gonna get married anytime soon coz married hasn't been in her dictionary for the time being), I just completely HATE the fact. I know everyone would have to move on eventually. All of my close friends, Manda, Ria and Evi would one day find their soulmate and get married as well. I just don't know why I get so badly pissed at this fact, and gebleknya lg, it's not like Francy and that bastard udah jadian skr. Msi baru potential, but a very very highly likely potential. And I hate it. I hate this fact. I hate this situation, and I blamed the damn guy to cause all of these changes to happen in my life. It makes me wished that I didn't get close to Francy to begin with. If there's memory deletion, I would want to delete her off COMPLETELY from my mind, so I wouldn't have to get hurt and annoyed so badly like now.

Honestly I don't understand myself. I've realised klo aku emg at this point belon pengen pacaran at all. Klo ada yg cocok ya oke, but it's not on my desperate list yet. Still want to find a job first before. Well, kinda like Francy's path at the moment. Finish uni, dapet kerja, baru cowok comes along with it. But I don't like the idea of she's getting hers first. Aku gak suka klo aku keduluan. I always want to be the first one, although I know at this moment I don't need it yet. And I will retaliate and despise those who get it first, which in this case, ya si Francy. Say if after this one of the other girls actually found their one, I'd be more fine I suppose, soalnya udah kelatih ama si Francy pny case. Nah, this leads to Aerina's solution and advice today. I mean, frankly speaking, each of us would one day find our own partner. Even my koko said I'd find my soulmate too one day, cm ga tau kenapa aku selalu pesimis. I always see as suuupperr difficult buat aku to actually bisa dapet cowok one day. Each of us would then have to move forward. It's just the way things turn out, Francy is the first one to move first (or so it seems, soalnya kan mereka belon beneran jadian at the moment). And I guess I'm not that ready to accept this change. Moreover, the way life seems to be laid out for Francy is the same as I wished my life to turn out to. *sigh*

Aerina also said this kind of things will definitely take time for me to handle. Dibanding kmrn, for now I've been much calmer, tp msi tetep unstable, and I can't study because of this. Decided to just play capsa with Regina who is currently also facing the similar situation. I guess my situation is better in a way soale at this stage aku ma Francy gak mpe putus kontak. Regina and her friend ended up not talking to each other anymore. Tp emg temen dia yg rada aneh jg seh.

I think I really need God's help to be able to handle and view the current situation correctly. I don't think it's wise to tell my mom about it.

As for the time being, that good-for-nothing shit guy is still on top my hate list. I still wish for his disappearance from this world, and I still hate his guts to death. Serem jg seh to think how much I could hate someone up to this extent, and to think that the power of my hatred klo dimaterialise into power could actually kill him... And I also figured out I'm such an extreme person. Klo lg baek, suuupppeerrr baek... I'm the kindest and nicest person people would meet for the first time. Tp if something ticked me, depends on the degree, I can turn into the complete opposite, and this case, it happened to tick me in a very wrong way, and I just turned into the meanest girl ever. Oh, and this kind of thing strangely only applied to friends that I treasure... Family? Will be at a lesser extent I suppose...

BIG sigh~~

SOOOO PIISSSSEEEDDDDD!!!!

2010-08-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

Seriously!!! Why do you think I wanted to find a job so badly!?!!! Part of the main reasons is for me to save enough money so I can travel with friends gitu! And you are the person I do want to go with! And waktu itu dah ngmgin destination-nya Japan or Korea.... And now you just decided to go by yourself?!!

FINE!!! GO! JUST GOOOO AND GOOO AND GOOOO!!! LEAVE ME BEHIND!!!

We shouldn't even bother to talk about the planning to go together ONE DAY coz that ONE DAY would just NEVER HAPPEN!!!!

I was really the stupid one to think of such talk seriously and getting all worked up for it! Mpe stress2 cari kerja with the promise of going together ONE DAY kept in mind... Wanting to find that job as soon as possible so that you don't have to wait too long... ARGGGHHH ~~~~ It was all proven USELESS!!!

Even after I offered you to still go with my mom paying me first, and you still REFUSED that offer down!!! Why now I wonder?!! SOALNYA TEMPAT YG GW MAU PERGI LU UDAH PERGI!!! Sori deh!! I don't have that much of fortunes mpe bisa pergi ke tempat2 yg lu udah pergi tau! And I just found out that you thought how much it WASTED YOUR TIME AND MONEY to consider going again to that ONE PLACE that you already went before with me!?!! Did you even realise how much it take me to even consider asking my mom who already had so much financial burden to begin with!?!! All because I wanted so badly to travel with you and feel guilty for keeping you waiting for so long gara2 gw ga dapet2 kerja!!!

FAR OUUUTTTTT~~~

GW KESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL! GW MARAAAAHHH!!! GW BENCIIIIIIII!!!!!!

Just because you already have a super GREAT FULL TIME JOB with GOOD PAY it's so easy for you to go wherever you want whenever you must take your leave!!!

S***!!!!! I feel soo betrayed!!!! *cries crazily!*

#@$#%^*&(*()

sigh~~~

2010-08-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

Seriously, after all of those lecturing from my mom, I still didn't budge to get back on my formerly strong faith stand anymore T.T As much as I'm currently feeling numb towards my relationship with God - that is, I don't feel hate or passion at all anymore - do you think it's easy to just stop praying completely?? The fact that when I don't pray at all something just felt uneasy inside of me kinda show that I can't really give up my faith, which is good...

But still... dunno what to do anymore... So many people told me to hang in there, but those words just lose its effect on me... Easy for them to say when they don't experience what I've been through...

eerrggghh~~~~ SLAP!!!!

2010-08-17T08:19:00.001-07:00

Exactly like the title tried to describe... if you read the previous post, you could tell I'm not in my best shape at the moment... Then I was streaming over TVXQ fan-page on facebook, and found this youtube link for the video making of Heavens Postman... Although it was less than 10 seconds, yet the impact on me varied greatly... Seeing Jaejoong's smile immediately made me smiled and laughed as well coz he was sooo damn cute (and I realised he was real happy back then since TVXQ was still all five together), but then there had to be that DAMN KISSING SCENE and it made me feel like SLAPPING the guy across the face at an instant~~

Damn Jaejoong for playing with my feelings like this!!! #@$#%$^%^*&(^*&(

But I suppose, that just didn't change the fact that I still love this guy so miserably... T.T

Another rejection...

2010-08-17T06:56:00.000-07:00

*Sigh*....

I wonder who's going wrong here... Just when I thought I've given my best, yet I still failed to secure a place that I so wished to have. But then again, I wasn't that shocked either, coz since yesterday, I already felt somehow I'm not gonna make it in anyway... Never knew that my intuition can be that great... I tried to shook away the negative thought, but what could I do when it turned out to be true? Now I'm getting all confused... When do you have to stay optimistic and how long do you have to hold that view? When do you have to give up? And people said that when you stayed positive and believe in it, things will turn the way you wanted it to be. Now whoever said that, I'm so gonna kill that person -.-

Yeap, Deloitte just rejected me as well... I think I had mentioned it in my previous post that I didn't expect much, and since I gave it my best, whatever the result would be, I would be okay with it. But it would be a complete lie if I didn't feel the slightest disappointment, or maybe at this stage, more like a shock. Am I that stupid or so not qualified that I wasn't able to tap into one of these moronic stupid big 4?!!! Oh well~ It would be useful to say those firms are not good enough for someone like me to be working there. Hmph! :p

Anywhoo, onto a bit of brighter side, I'm gonna be having interview with Global Mortgage's director tomorrow for loan administrator/director assistant position. Heard this guy is very strict and has super high expectation. Honestly making me scared that I won't be able to meet up with those level of expectations although deep down I feel challenged as well to show my best and believe that if I did show my best, definitely I'll be fine with him *fingers crossed*. Hopefully I'll seriously be able to make something good out of this interview tomorrow...

GRRRR!!!!

2010-08-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

STUPID JUNSU!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FALL SO MANY TIMES!!! Such a shame!! I trained for so loonnnggg and you still dared to fall TWICE in a frikkin race!!! =_________________=**

Tired of waiting :p

2010-08-14T07:58:00.001-07:00

Yes 2PM boys (including Jaebum), I'm borrowing your song title for my today's post :p Few things that happened today:

1. Feel a bit down after learning that Sora got a job already. It's not that I'm jealous coz she got one already after merely looking for less than 2 weeks, but it's more to the fact that if she started working, whenever gw pulang ke Surabaya, it would mean very very much less time to play with her. She used to be active in my old junior high which letaknya emg deket rmh, and whenever she's bored, she would come to my house for a while, then leave... Or dia dtg dr pagi, then leave in the noon to go to the school... Klo dia kerja, then what's the point? I still have plenty of things to watch and share with her. Lha klo dia kerja, gmn mo ngumpul bareng? Foto studio bareng? Nginep? Jalan2?? Arrgghhh~~ 50% of my whole reason buat pulang Indo tuh emg dia... I know this situation will happen someday. I mean, even best friends do have their own separate lives don't they? They each walk the different path, but somehow still together... I suppose gw kaget aja the time comes so soon than expected. I mean please... Taon 2008 kemaren, when Evi, Mandot, Ria and Bet graduated, wasn't I the same? I should be quite a veteran in this kind of thing already -.-

2. Meet up with Dea and chatted about things. It was good to catch up with old friends. And she taught me to pray not to ask God to give me the best thing sesuai maunya Dia, tp jg minta supaya gw dikasih pengertian ttg my current situation...

3. Wait wait wait... Waiting is annoying... Especially when it seems so uncertain and endless! Deloitte gradz position closed on the 12th yesterday... I'm not lying or denying that I do want to get that position... Nunggunya mpe kapan yaaa?? Hiks~~

4. Iseng2 td was searching for the big 4 accounting firms branches di Indo... Found out Deloitte and EY do have branch di Surabaya... But but but... Why all the vacancies only available di JAKARTA?!!! Who'd want to ever move to that super sumpek, macet, padat and heavily polluted city with stupid tata kota?!!! No way!!!

My first City 2 Surf ever~~

2010-08-08T05:24:00.000-07:00

As the title says, today was my first City 2 Surf ever~~ Kekekekeke... After have been staying in Sydney for more than 7 years by now, I finally managed to get myself to join the 40-years old tradition :p Walking (instead of supposedly running your best) from in front of St. Mary's Cathedral up to Bondi Beach for total 14 km took me and Evi 3 hours 57 minutes and 2 or 3 seconds XD Kekekekeke~ Gak berasa seh pas jalan coz we were really talking about almost anything... Tau2 dah deket finish aja, and by that time, my feet started to scream, begging me to stop walking T.T

Let's just hope I still can walk properly tomorrow since I'm having my LEAD interview at 5.15pm, plus ACCT5922 class after... Ckckck...

Anyhow, to sum up, it was a great fun... Afterall, one of the reason why I was so looking forward to it emg gara2 I know I'm gonna spend sometime with this lovely Ms. Junsu... Spending time together with her has always been fun for me and all the talks are inspiring :p Glad to decide to still go... I was quite indecisive for two reasons, first, knowing Rhezong might tag along, secondly, kepikir mo bikin assignment... But.... what's assignment?? Hahahaha~ If I could batch up around 1000 words in a day, then 2000 words should be no problem, no? :p

Deloitte... Deloitte...

2010-08-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

Who'd expect that I would ever ever tap my step into one of the Big 4s???? But apparently, thanks to a recent career fairs I managed to attend after my huge and deep depression, somehow today I ended up lodging my application to Deloitte... Ckckckck... Bingung sendiri seh... But anywhoo~~ That was an enjoyable application... I gotta experience the real challenge of putting up a good application to the best I could possibly do. Klo dipikir2, dr awal2 nyiapin buat Deloitte application ini, I'd gone through a lot! Mulai dr resume yg awalnya cm item putih mpe yg professional pny thanks to Ci Christina for sharing with me her professionally done resume... Trus my cover letter also improved heaps thanks to her help as well... Then with the answering "essay-type" questions, I really have to express my biggest gratitude to Kay, my newly acknowledged workmate at Ralph's office... She was the one willing to give her time to literally fix my answers for every questions I have to answer to complete the application, and made those answers looked HEAPS better and more professional!!! Kekekekek~ If I ever got that graduates position, definitely need to treat her to something... I also got at least three people to proof-read my application... And what else? Oh oh, thanks to this as well, I managed to learn how to use my own scanner for the first time and SUCCEEDED!! Woohooo ^o^v

It would be a complete lie if I said I'd be completely fine if after all of those efforts, I still didn't manage to get in... But let's say, since I've done my best and can't think any possible way of harder effort, whatever the outcome, I don't think I should regret it... Coz yes, I've done my best!! And now leaving the rest into His hands... It's another good thing too that I managed to regain my faith back in Him somehow...

Jd keinget pelajaran pas year 12... It's not the destination that matters the most, but the journey... And this whole preparation of the application thing made me clicked on what that sentence actually means :p

I'm giving up on You, Lord!

2010-07-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

At least that's how I feel at this moment... I've been feeling so annoyed and fed up these few days for prayers that have been unanswered. People told me to be patient, but patient my ass!! Mo mpe kapan ya to aku mesti sabar?!! Aku ni orang, and He, above all things and other people, should know that better than anyone or anything else!! Orang tuh, sabar ada batese... Gak kyk Dia, who has unlimited patience.. If He expected me to stay patience with Him and wait until no one except Him knows when, sori d, but at this moment, I don't think I can be His team member and work with that way til the end. I've reached the end of my limit and it's up to Him how He's gonna fix me and restore my faith and patience back. The way I see things have been going ya, it's like, at first, as if a way was opened for me, only to be closed at the end or left uncertain... I have been trying my best to see things from the positive sides, believing that all of those were parts of His works and preparation to have me ready for a real full-time job... But I guess I'm now totally worn out. Capek, and can't be bothered to keep the faith and hope up anymore. I decided to stop praying for a while. I know I take pride in prayers, but I don't see it as useful for me anymore. They may be useful when I pray for others, but not for myself or my own needs.

At this moment too, I can clearly say, that if His plan or what He sees as the best for me is to go back to Indo after I finished this semester, I absolutely can't comply with that! I want to work here before I leave Sydney for good and NO BARGAIN to that!!!

Far out!!!!

screwed...

2010-07-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, I just realised how much I'm such a screwed person...

I feel annoyed when I know others were happy or find their happiness while I'm not... I got unhappy when others got their wishes granted, while mine did not. I did my best to put up fake smiles or saying all of those congratulatory words, and I guess I made myself quite a good actress... I heard my cousin is now 6-weeks pregnant and I feel this little tinge of annoyance inside to see her happy... Of course I want her to be happy, and I'm happy that she's happy... Coz I know she's been eager to have babies.... But somehow, it just annoys me... Maybe because I was wondering at the same time, will I ever have my time to experience those happy moments as well? Padahal I know too I wouldn't want that to happen to me for now...
I hate it when people get things that I want... At times I also want other things that other people possess, eventhough I know those things won't really do me any good if they were to be in my possession...
There are times when I hate it when people go against me... I want to always be the right one and I hate it when people opposed to my opinion when I think my opinion was correct and flawless.
I get really picky to those people who I see as close or dear to me.... In other words, I will be more tolerant to other people, but I will occasionally display less tolerance for those close people of mine... I expect more from them... I expect them to do the same thing that I do to them... Not always all the time, but surely on noticeable basis and on the right time... And when they failed my expectation, I explode and wouldn't even think twice to hurt them.

Errrr, when the thought came to my mind to write this entry, I had sooo many more things in my mind... Other than those four points listed above, I feel there should be more... But they disappeared right after I finished writing the first bullet point... And to be honest, out of those four, I feel happiest with the first one because it was written and turned out exactly in the way I wanted it to be :p

In a summary... what are they? Envy, pride, greed and .... Can't really describe the fourth point into one of the seven deadly sins... Can someone help??

^^v

2010-07-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

Student ID: 3189178
Program:    8413  Financial Analysis

UNSW Assessment Results for Semester 1 2010

Issued at Tue Jul 13 16:50:02 2010

========================================================

Session Course    Title                           Result

========================================================

T1    ACCT5908  Auditing and Assurance Ser.......85 HD
T1    ACCT5930  Financial Accounting.............82 DN
T1    FINS5513  Investments & Portfolio Sel......65 CR
T1    FINS5530  Financial Institution Mgmt.......83 DN
========================================================



Term WAM:  78.750  Overall WAM:  78.750  Postgraduate



PRAISE THE LORD!!! ^O^ Can never do it without him!

MUUUUUUUUUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Love Letter for Jaejoong ^^v

2010-07-11T05:20:00.000-07:00

Kekekekeke~~ I felt a loooottt better after I wrote this letter when I was feeling all down few days ago... So I just wanted to post this lil piece here as well ^^v

***

Jaejoong baby... Ehehehe... Yup2, I like calling you that coz you are my baby :) Hr ini sumthing happened yg bikin aku realise how much I still need you... I still have to cling on you for a while longer... Until then, please stay with me... My life feels sux atm >.< But having you by my side makes it different and a lot better... So please... Don't 'leave' yet T.T

What happened today also made me so grateful that I chose you over Yunho almost 3 years ago... Even during all these time I got heavily distracted by Junsu's charms, I'm so glad I fight over it to stay loyal to you... I made the right choice, n I'm really thankful to God for making you the way you are now...

Jaejoong-ah... Can't sleep, baby... It's 2am n I have to get up by 7 today >.= Regina told me to bring you to work, so whenever I'm feeling down or bad, I can always go to the bathroom to hug you XD

Baby, do you know how you have been such a support for me? Although you are just here by pictures n sounds, I guess that's enough for me. I must have sounded like a crazy and pathetic girl, eh? But knowing you, somehow I believe the real you wouldn't look down on me... Say I was upset when I'm not home, I immediately think about you, and just missing you so badly. It cheered me up everytime I think that no matter how bad a day has been, when I reach home, I have you there waiting for me.

I always see it as not only you, but all Dong Bang Shin Ki were there... But I think, starting from now, I want to see it as you alone without the other members. It's also because of what happened today, it knocks the sense out of me that even the other members were to 'leave', I think I can still bear with it compared to if you were the one leaving. I'm not saying the other four are not important to me, but don't you want to be special? :p You told me you hate it when your girl talk or look up at other guys... I guess in some ways, that applies to your members too, right? ^^

So, Jaejoong, I'm sorry for often think about the other members more than you... I don't want to do that anymore. Coz now I can say it confidently. All this time, it's true that it wasn't all about Yunho... It wasn't even Junsu either... You have been there all the time for me, so it's all about you :D

July 2007, God gave me a very special gift of 5 super nice, good looking, kind, amazingly wonderful and extremely talented boys. I treasure all of them, yet one of them stands out to be so special for me... The one who gets to stay in the middle for Dong Bang Shin Ki's formal standing position... The 'mother' of the group... One of the noisiest member... The one that has the most beautiful voice, face and personality for me :p You should have it clear by now of who I'm talking about up there :p

Love you, baby ^o^

$____$

2010-07-09T02:13:00.000-07:00

Somehow, starting from last Thursday, I started working again at Ralph's place~~ This time I'm working there at full office hours from 9 to 5... Since the very first time I worked there 2 about 2 years ago, I never once worked full office hours like I do now... I used to only work there at after-hours (coz on weekdays, I can only work after uni ;p), and during weekends... Although the rate is really low ($12 per hour >.<), but if you look at it collectively (and OPTIMISTICALLY), you earned $90/hour and that's quite a good amount when you were mainly doing filing the whole day... Filing = BLUDGING~~ It's really unsupervised, and you are alone in the filing room, which means you can practically do anything without no one will be bothered to check on you :p Filing room is "sacred", in a way that it is a very boring and not well-lit room which everyone will try their best to avoid unless they need to take some files for their work~~ And that very room is where I will be spending 7.5 hours of my days onwards...

Well, if people see it, it can be either a good thing or bad thing... Bad thing coz filing is just simply admin work... And with not too good place, people may see as low work (too be honest, the office is not even that elite to begin with =__=). However, if you want to see it as good thing, only NEAT, TEDIOUS, THOROUGH and PATIENT people with GOOD ATTENTION TO DETAILS can get to do filing~~ Believe it or not... The first time they taught me how to do filing, I found them was pretty easy... As long as you know alphabets in CORRECT order, then you are well on your way. However, surprisingly, when I was going through some of the clients' files today, I was so shocked to see how people just shoved files with completely different client's name into other client's folder =__= I guess, believe it or not, there are people out there who can't even do filing properly~

Anywhoo~~ I still get to do other admin tasks occasionally coz they do have another girl who replaced my place when I was away on summer break before. However, by looking at how things are going, it seems like I might get to work on quite regular basis during weekdays, coz this girl told me she won't be able to work during Wednesday, Thursday and Friday after uni semester starts... If Ralph still needs more people to do admin, then I can reasonably expect regular shift... All in all, the most important thing from all that besides experiences, is.. INCOME!!!! That's why the title~~ Huhuhuhuhu... if you look at it, $12/hour might seem really low... But if you look at it from another perspective... that $12/hour means $90/day... And if you worked two days every week, that's $180/week... and that is $720/MONTH!!!!

For someone who currently have only $40 in her account, even $90/day is HUGE~~~

Thank God for giving me something to do while trying to get better jobs...

Ms. J~

I'm not ready to say goodbye...

2010-07-07T04:36:00.000-07:00

Probably if my koko ever reads it, he might think the title refers to him... but sorry yeh... jgn ge-er2... That title has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with him >.<**

Feh~ I guess I'm down due to my own stupidity again today... I wish I shouldn't have read the comments my sister's friend posted on one of the post she tagged me in... She was writing about the possibilities of SM artists who are suspected as currently dating someone... It doesn't really bug me when she was mentioning Suju boys (Shindong is actually getting married!!!), or let alone SNSD... But of course, small or big, it will have certain impact on me when it comes to DBSK... She said, based on her INTUITION, that Junsu, Yoochun and Yunho might be currently dating... Well, as everyone might say, who would buy intuition??? I mean, I'm not all close or anything with this girl to trust that her intuition might actually be true... Intuition is just personal opinion... and she didn't even have good reason or sources to state those statements to begin with. She said it was only by her FEELINGS... @!#%^$%&^* So I really shouldn't get myself so bogged down by it... Apalg that wasn't about Jaejoong to begin with... Cm yah... I can't help but to think, it might be sooner or later that I'll have to bid my goodbye to Jaejoong and the rest of the boys... This will be the time when they have their girlfriends... and for this, I admit honestly I'm not ready >.<

Lately I've been feeling quite depressed and lonely, so as much as I want these five favourite boys of mine to find their happiness and get married at the RIGHT AGE, I don't want to hear the news about any of them (even Yoochun) to actually have girlfriends... Selfish as it may sound, but it's true >.< I wish if any news about one of them was in a relationship were to surface, it will wait until I get a good and stable job... By then I might be more ready to face such thing...

I'm working tomorrow at Ralph's again.. I hate the place... He only calls me back when he needs me -_- I didn't start with proper contract to begin with. But I kinda need money to pay something... And I suppose, during this waiting time, It's a good practice not to be picky and showing determination that I do want to work... So I'll take anything eventhough it's something I don't like... *sigggghhhhhh*... Hope tomorrow will turn out to be good and end quickly~~~

-___-

2010-07-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

Dear diary~~ Currently feeling all heavy and down... Feels like life sux!!

1. JOB... and JOB... and JOB!!! *sigh* When am I going to get a real job?? Somehow even the future seems to be so bleak!! Can't really imagine myself being in a proper job... But somehow I want to keep believing... Though there's no reason to hope, but you still believe and hope... Isn't that what you called faith? *sigh again*... I can't believe that I ever consider of pursuing KPMG~~ Just found out my distant grandpa's niece actually works there and she offered to help getting my resume and cover letter to the HR Department... Let's see if this is what God wants... Somehow I feel there's big possibility there -.-

2. JUNSU!! Dear Xiah Junsu-sshi... Why do you have to be sick so bad at this kind of time?? Sapa suruh being such a workaholic???? Need to get a proper rest until you are FULLY recovered, baby!!! Grrr!!! This guy... He's been getting on my mind quite often recently that sometimes I got confused... Who do I really like? Him? Or Jaejoong? Definitely I still like Jaejoong, but can't ignore this guy either... Dang Junsu~~ Stop being so cool and attractive! Don't spread your charm on meeeeee!!! >.<

3. Diet~ I really need to go on a diet... Feels like my body has been getting wider uncontrollably... Face getting rounder, have no pinggang, and fat around waist area NUMPUK~~~ Gyaaaaaahhh!!!!

4. Koko stuff.... Somehow feel so jealous when I found out he finally starts liking someone else... Dilemma in wanting to cut off the relationship completely, yet at the same time he's still a special friend I want to treasure as well...

*sigh*~~~

Ms. J~

2010-06-30T08:09:00.001-07:00

I don't know why, but I just suddenly feel the rush to write this post... Baru ngebaca2 blog "Back to Basic" ama "Scribbles down My Page", and suddenly feel that I missed the blog owners so much...

I miss Evi T___T

I miss Manda too T____T

Argh~

2010-06-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hum~~~

2010-06-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

I wonder what will there be for me during this winter break... Evi's leaving for her 3 or 4-weeks trip tomorrow with her fam... Aerina left back for Seoul this morning... and these two are the closest people I have in Sydney.... *sigh*

Finally I got to attend my first one-on-one interview with this recruitment agency whose call I missed about two weeks ago... Hehehehe, that was a good one, although I was under quite a bad cold during the interview XD I'm glad that I got Christy out of any other possible consultants to be the one handling my application :p Anyway, she called today to offer me this position as admin assistant in a financial service corporation with annual salary of $30,000 + super... I was expecting to get somewhere higher, but I guess, for a start-up, that amount is good... I trust this to His hands who have been guiding me since the beginning. I believe He'll entrust me with the best one for a job...

Uhmmm... what else... the whole sms-ing with him still going on... He's currently at Gold Coast, attending this conference about climate adaptation as part of his thesis and government research grant stuff... He said the whole thing there was boring and tiring... Pengen nyemangatin, but dun really know what to say >.<

I woke up feeling very happy and positive today... Hope I'll definitely get a job during this break while still can enjoy times with friends who're staying here...

Ms. J~

2010-06-25T04:36:00.001-07:00

Seriously... if there's a charm that can send a job straight to my door, I'd love it~~~

But then again, I just finished my exam yesterday... I want to have this whole weekend for myself, without opening Seek.com or my Gmail account with all of those job offers... But at some time, I feel if I did this, I'd miss out on any opportunities that might be peeking from there... Arrhhhh~~~

Need to finish Sora's fanfic present... This is one thing I'm looking forward to...

Oh, watched the last episode of Sunao.... My baby's so DAMN HOT there >.< Seriously, I feel like going up to him and tell him to stop getting hotter, more good-looking, more charming and more gorgeous from day to day!!! He even has to look so dang steaming in an AIRPORT PIC!!!! This cam slash fashion whore~~~ -_____-

2010-06-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

Mmmm, kinda mixed feeling today...

1. Lg super hepi karena bisa smsan ama itu orang... baeknyaaa... "Jam segini ga mending tidur aja ya? Gih. Ntr besok gak konsen lg..."

2. ACCT5930 Final exam in about 6 hours... Kinda excited, kinda scared... -.-

3. Job hunting... Soon my final exam period will be over... Wondering if I would ever be able to get one during the coming 1-month winter break T.T FAITH! Where are you???? Mau berserah n berharap, tp klo ntar gak terkabul, even berharapnya ama Dia, takut kecewa.... T.T Padahal beneran pengen kerja... Can't wait mpe bisa dapet duit sendiri and no longer 100% living off my parents...

4. Jaejoong honey I miss you~~ Cheongmal bogosippeoyooooo T.T I have to thank this guy.... In a way he's been with me during 90% of my uni life... His voice is my encouragement during hard times... Mmmm, and even now, with the group being split up, somehow he's still there on weekly basis through his Japanese drama... Amazingly, the final episode of his drama will air this Thursday, the 24 June, which is also my LAST EXAM DAY... See how he stays with me til the very end of this semester? :D Thanks so muchy baby :)

Ms. JJ~

Feeling so weird...

2010-06-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

Blogger has gotten so much better... kikiki... Luv my new outlays ^^

Mmmm, was so annoyed at Jaejoong today... It was silly of me coz I got so worked up for something that actually is completely nothing T.T I got so unhappy because of his character at his newly debuted Japanese drama... His character was so pushy and impatient... In a way can be quite immature and childish due to his feeling of insecurity... And I got soooooooo ticked off with the main girl character due to her lemot-ness and plin-plan-ness... And I have to admit that I was super jealous of her too for acting as character liked by Jaejoong... I'm being silly and unreasonable aren't I?? -.-

Too bad I don't really know about Ueno Juri... So I can't really pick on her, and can't be bothered to waste my energy to bash her... However, I still need to take my annoyed feeling on someone, and Jaejoong has to receive all my selfish side... I'm so sorry honey...

Gaahhh~~ I'm not making any sense T.T

Anyway, I'm happy with my new blog layout... ^^v That's the good news for today... :p

No title...

2010-05-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

Let's leave it untitled... abis bingung mo ngasih judul apa jg...

Just want to write what's been in my mind lately...

First, about uni... I really should thank God for making this first semester of my Postgraduate study one of the best semester in my uni life so far... It's not only because of good marks I've managed to gain with His help, but juga gara2 I really find good friends in the classes I attend for each subject... I met Aerina for my most horrible Investment subject... I have Miffy for my Banking class. I also believe that I do have nice and supportive group members in this class too. I'll do my best to be their leader for this group assignment. Then I get to know Gordon and Wenyi who feel like older bro and sis to me from Auditing class. They in fact are quite years older than me, especially Gordon. It's just, I never expect I'd get along so well with them when the first time meeting them. I never imagined my relationship with them will actually go beyond just-group-member relationship... They even managed to find out about me liking Jaejoong and teased me about it... Hahahah~ Normally if it's just group member who you just barely met and expect to only know them for that semester, they wouldn't find out about me and Jaejoong... LOL! And then finally, for my Financial Accounting class... This is really a special class for two reasons. First, I got to meet my first lecturer again from 1A... If it wasn't for her, I don't think my basic for Accounting would be as good. I owed her my Accounting life and it made her my favourite lecturer who I respected and admired a lot. She teaches really well!! And then, the second reason, this is my first class where my hang-out friends are all GUYS! Haha... To be exact, two of them... One Chinese and one Thai... Both are very nice people who are fun to be with... Biasanya klo di kelas kan gw selalu bareng temen cewek... But this time, I got to be the only girl among the boys when we sit together ^^ Yeay~

Then the marks... So far, my Banking and Audit have HD average... It'd be lovely if I could maintain that until the end of the semester XD My Financial Accounting stays at 82.55%... Will try to maintain or even improve... And finally... Investment... This is the subject I'm doing worst at T.T Current average is around 66.4%... Still Credit... Will try to improve in Final... Ganbarimasuuuuu!!!!

Second... Job finding!!!

Got rejected after my first ever phone interview with Commonwealth Bank a while ago... But it's amazing how everyone around me, who knows me and knows that I'm currently looking for job, always managed to tell me so confidently that I will DEFINITELY be able to find one... It's funny how these people have more confident in me than myself XD But I want to keep believing with those people's supports and my Carer and Provider for life that I'll definitely get one when the time comes :) Although I can't see the prospect of it... As in, what position it is? what company it is? whereabout the company is? and WHEN will it be... I just want to believe and I feel I can see myself with a job in near future... I think I'm very grateful that I'm blessed with such faith... Believing in things you can't see... Isn't that what faith is? ^^

Trus, I feel like I've been slowly yet steadily prepared for this process to get a job... To begin with, was the resume... Thanks to ci Win, I managed to make my resume looks WAY better than the original one XD Then I was motivated to actually make quite a customised cover letter for each job position... Klo yg mirip2 yah paling cm edit2 dikit sih ^^; Trus, few days ago, bisa kepikiran buat list down examples of life experience yg biasa suka ditanya buat interview... Example of time management experience.. organisational one.. Gw actually managed to list them down gitu buat siap2 klo ntar bneran got an interview one day... Trus, I see my phone interview with Commbank before as a good practice gitu... Pertama kali ngalamin phone interview :p Although at the end failed, it was still a worthwhile experience ^^ Trus gw jg sempet ke Employment Agency buat interview... Yg nge-interview namanya Anne jg XD THe interview went very smoothly and comfortably... We chatted things yg even outside the context of job and employment.. We talked about computer functions and she told me about her children problem, When I told this story to Gordon, he said it was very good, soalnya it means she was really comfortable with me eventhough it was only just a first time meeting :p I reckon it's a good practice for a real job-interview I may face in the future :p Trus, lately udah suka berasa males maen pet... msi maen sih of course, cm gak sengebet dulu... Hehe... Jd ntar klo dah kerja, I won't get so attached to Pet Society as much as before :p Lucu aja sih... I might sound exaggerating stuff, but that's really what I feel and how I see things... And they make sense anw :p

Mmmm, itu dulu d... The third thing would be about Jaejoong.... But he got his own special post before this entry :p LOL!

Oh, I heard Mike went single now? Hahahaha!!! When Iva told me about this, I laughed and for that instant feels that I'd have chance now :p Whatever~ Silly me.... Although I know nothing's impossible and everything can be possible!

Mmmmm, it's been a while since last time I posted such long entry~ Feel satisfied!

Ms. JeJung~

Kokorokara sunao ni nari taku te... I miss you...

2010-05-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is really what I want to tell Jaejoong~ It's from his drama's OST... I love the song, and the lyric is so sweet as well...

itsumo kimi ga itoshiku te kono omoi tsutae taku te
kokorokara sunao ni nare naku te "... I miss you "

And the translation...

I want to show you these feelings that were always dear to me
Because my heart couldn’t become honest “...I miss you”

****

Yes, Jaejoong... Even if I met you, I wouldn't be able to become honest... I would want to tell you how dear a person you are to me... How I treasure you the most, that I always want you smile... I want you to find your happiness... Although your world probably won't have me in it... It doesn't matter... Thinking of how much I feel for you enough to make my heart aches... Really sometimes I can't accept the fact that it has to be you... Someone I never know in person... Someone who only me know of and feel so strong of... Yet at the end, I always tell myself that it's so nice to be in love with someone... And I'm grateful that I'm able to love you this way :) My lovely Jaejoong... I miss you... Soshite... Hontouni aishiteru~

siiiggghhhhhhhhh....

2010-05-10T08:43:00.000-07:00

It seems blogger stopped functioning well in mine T.T

Well, I noticed the last entry was when I was still on my holiday in Indo... Definitely LOTS have been going on since then... Let's see...

My Graduation - it was awesome... thank God and all my special friends who turned up...

My 1st semester of Postgraduate degree - manage to find good friends in each of the subject... Very happy about it... Financial Accounting is my first class ever where my friends are all guys :p LOL! One Chinese and one Thai... Both are very nice people... Uhm, I think I'm doing fine with three out of four subjects I'm taking this semester... They are all Distinction average... But the last subject on Investment... T.T... Doing it with credit average for now... 66%? Hahaha...

Job hunting - this one has been bad... Just got rejected by Commonwealth Bank today. But thanks to everyone around me who supported, I managed to get back on my feet again. Lol! Special thanks to one of my ex-housemate whom I had dinner with today. She really was the one who cheered me up the most ^^ She made me able to believe again that I'll definitely end up with a job in the future... Pasti dapet deh klo udah pas waktunya. I really wish the right timing (God's timing) will be somewhere before November... ckckckck... Gonna send application for IBM intern tomorrow...

Dongbang boys - I missed my boys T.T Wonder if they would ever go back together as 5... But even not, I'll still continue to love and support each of the member individually, especially my Jaejoong-hubby :p He's doing super well with his new Japanese drama... He makes me a super proud wife... Love you darlink~~~~ Mwaahh~~

I'm gonna sleep early today... It's almost 2AM... Been sleeping at 4 to 5-ish these few days... BAD habit! Must fix must fix!

Ms. Jaejoong~

Favouritism... Good or bad??

2010-02-20T02:10:00.001-08:00

Well, menurutku, favouritism bgs2 aj asal tempate PAS. Contoh, merk bj, merk sepatu, makanan n stuff. Idols, uni n skul jg oke. But consideration of others' feelings will be necessary.

Nah, apa contoh BAD favouritism, anak2?? PILIH KASIH SAMA ANAK SENDIRI adalah satu contoh burukh! Dan pelakunya adalah papaku dewe. What a SHAME!

Pliz ya. He's not even who paid 4 the car, the driver nor the bensin! Dia tuh cm bondo cocot! Or bhs Indonya, byr mulut! Cm bs cuap2 cap cip cup pokoke apa maune dituruti.

Yeeeekkkk~ Ilfil getoh.

Neneth harus nyampe PTC by 5. Regina minta dijmput di rmh tmen by 5. Tp dia dun mind dijmput telat. But, the (dodgy) head of fam just called n nadanya tuh loh... Amit2 mau muntah d. Pokoke gak pduli apa Regina harus dijmput dulu gr2 dia udh minta duluan. Beh. Bullshit. He always hates it kalo aku ato Regina sided with Neneth. And on top of that, buat dia, Regina's the queen. Pdhl yg bersangkutan bete abis digituin.

There. Disgusting favouritism. The end.

Sigh~

2010-02-13T09:56:00.001-08:00

If you're not pretty, but rather cute... Is that gud thing? Or bad thing?? Seriously. Why can't I be born prettier?? Maybe if I was, I wudn't stay single for this long...

Have u ever feel jealous to ur own best friend? Someone who you treasure, yet at the same time, you feel as if she'd outshine you completely in front of GUYS n other ppl. I always think what she has and I'm lacking of are precious n proudable. While what I have n she doesn't are things that cannot be proud of. I dun want to be a pretty girl with her type. Tipe cewek cool gt lah, gw gak dmen. But still, dia pretty. Kalo ada cowok cakep 1 di dpn, pasti bkl lgs milih dia instead of me.

Arh! It's Sincia n V-day at the same time! Why can't I be more grateful with what I have?? Someone help me! Say something!

Why do I fall in love with you?

2010-02-08T08:23:00.001-08:00

Yes! Why?? I dun understand. Out of so many other guys I knew, why does it have to be you? I know if I told people about this, they might think I'm just a crazy or overly dreaming fan girl. But whatever people said, I realise that my feeling is real and he really is the only person I love at the moment. Someone who feels so close, yet he is so far... Someone who I always think that we could suit each other well, yet I never have the chance to show or even try it out... Gaaahhh!!!

Maybe one day when I re-read this post, I'd think of how stupid myself is... But I'd remind myself that falling in love is never a bad thing. It's a beautiful thing that one should treasure in their hearts. And I always believe, the guy(s) I've ever fell for are all nice, kind and proud-able guys!

Sauna-ing...

2010-02-04T23:27:00.003-08:00

Kenapa hr ini tmpt saunanya panas sekaliii??? Few days ago the temperature was onli 65 degree... N today was 90ish T.T My face felt hot, tp enak, jd gmn dunk? XD

I dun understand my dad. Kalo buat beli mbl super gede, jelek n mirip kotak sabun berjalan (cm yg ini mengkilat aj) seharga more than 500jt, plus msi bs consider mau invest in property yg pasti lbi mahal, dia pny duit, tp napa buat ngasi mami gw bulanan plus biayain buat bj buat wedding ponakannya sendiri yg plg bnter 20jt total dia GA BISA?? Lbi tepatnya dia gak mau! Ah brengsek! Pny papi kyk dia I decide to respek him based on money aj dah. No money, no respect! KESEL GW! Menang umur n bdn doank dws, tp dlmnya anak umur se-gw! Hope my husband later gak kyk gt dah. Amin2~

AH PINTUNYA DITUTUP! Panas, mbak! Tau ga seh panas?!

HEEEPPIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! ^^

2010-01-25T03:57:00.000-08:00

Huh!!! buka pake internet Indo option buat ngatur warna huruf ama bentuk fontnya gak jalan... oh well...

anw, yes hari ini hepi bngt diriku.. gara2 apa? gara2 bs ktemu koko after 2 years.. finally bisa ktemuan lg.... and yah, abis ini emang tambah ga jelas aja kapan bisa ktemu... that guy will be working right away after graduation... so unless gw yg ke Jakarta, dun think he will have more chances or at least, easier possibility than barusan buat bisa ke Surabaya.. so i really treasured my time with him today...

td pas jalan2 ama dia, itu baru bener2 berasa my first REAL date.. selama ini pergi berdua ma cowok2 laen, sumhow I couldn't really call it a date.. well, except yg pertama kali pergi berdua bareng Bet pas status gw msi mami papi ama dia itu kali ya? But ini lbi berasa ngedate... dia bener2 act as if he was my boyfriend... makan dibayarin... pas gw beliin cincau buat mami jg dibeliin ama dia.. ditraktirin maen di Amazone (although gw sebenernya ga mau maen di situ soalnya gw kan bener2 not a gaming person... tp dia lucu jg seh.. ngajaknya maen game yg bisa dimaenin sambil duduk berdua.. bkn game macem tembak2an ato dance2 ato yg aneh2 itu lah...), ama waktu gw lg liat2 majalah wedding buat liat desain baju2 pesta, dia ikutan di sebelah gw ngeliatin sambil komen2 mana desainnya yang bagus and nurut dia cocok buat anak muda XD Selebihnya seh cm jalan2 kliling mall aja sambil ngobrol2 gitu... and sempet gandengan... gw yg mulai jg sih, but he was hepi2 aja... ck3...

Intinya, gw very hepi bisa ktemu dia after such long time ga ktemu... he was and will always be a very special person buat gw. afterall, udah kenal dr kecil jg XD Gw jg rada kepikiran, soalnya abis ini tambah ga jelas kpn bisa ktemu lg... And klo mikirin ini, gw kira emg lbi baek kita ga jalan dulu... I don't think I can afford a long distance jg sebenernya. Apalg in our case, mau pas pulang Indo pun msi ga pasti bisa ktemu wong beda kota... Dia bakal sulit ke Surabaya, n gw jg ga bakal sering2 dikasih ke Jakarta.. ribet dah...

oh, one last sweet point... td gw kasih dia denger lagu Toho yg Break Out.. and dia DEMEN!!!! Gw kasih koko gw denger lagu 2PM jg, tp dia ga gitu suka... katanya Break Out lbi enak... WAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA!!!! There you go my boys!!!! Dongbang emang jago dah!!! DONGBANG FIGHTIIIINNGGGGGG!!!! Muackz...

And the credit of course.. the credit goes to Tuhanku yg amazing plus Bunda Maria yg perantaraanNya ga pernah gagal... Thank you so much my Lord and Mother ^^ Without You, today won't be as fun and as amazing as it would be wit You... Amin :D

Ahem~

2010-01-20T08:03:00.001-08:00

Where do I start?

Have been enjoying holiday to the fullest. Br hr ini mulai lagi bntuin kerjaan mami. Doing data entry can be njelimet jg kalo datanya dah mulai aneh2 T.T

Got new baby bunny named Chilli. Very cute, smart n naughty one. Going to miss him badly when I get back to Syd later. Will upload some pics later...

Oh! Tgl 14 Jan kmrn reunian ama tmen2 SD. Was fun too to meet all childhood friends again. Sng pas ngeliat altho dah lama gak ktemu, tp there was no awkwardness between evryone. Bnr2 a memorable joyful moment! Praise the Lord d acrnya bole berjalan lancar...

I'm getting crazed with Toho's newest song Break Out! Pdhl pas pertama dngr thought I wudn't like it. Tp pas liat mvnya few days ago, lgs kesengsem abis xD Argh I miss all five! Well done for the song! Expecting another Weekly Oricon topper...

Both happy n jelez for my friends who got to meet Junsu, n those ppl who got to see Chang, Jae n Chun when they visited Oz. Thought such thing wud never happen... But tnyt oh tnyt...

Three things on top of my personal wish list: more successful Postgrad study, new proper job n JODOH! *lirik Jae, Khun n Junsu db* Huhu~

updates....

2009-12-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

Update time!!! (partly jg fulfilling request from Ms. Junsu :D)

First first first... emang telat sih, but happy birthday dearest Xiah Junsu... Wish him all the best and even more amazing things in the coming year... Moga2 urusan aneh2nya dongbang bisa cepet beres jg... huhuhuhu... Xiah Junsu saranghaeeee!!!

Second, few days ago, ada mini reunion ama temen2 SD... Gak nyangka bs mpe 12 orang dateng... huhuhuhu... hepi bngt... It's so funny when I think about how dulu kita2 msi pada ciprit2, kecil2 gitu... trus kan grup maennya misah2, jarang ngmg... eh skr dah pada gede2 n dah mo lulus kuliah semua... Itu temen2 yg dateng kemaren weren't my play groups... trus everyone there jg wasn't in each other's play group... But it's so fun how everyone can simply blend in with each other... Ngmgnya asik and having some nostalgic time about stupid yet enjoyable moments jaman SD bner2 the best dah... Planning to make a bigger reunion ntar tgl 14 Januari... Abis makan di Fish n Co, kita nonton Storm Warrior... itu film jelek amaattt!!! Super ga jelas ceritanya... so klo itu film maen di Syd, jgn pada nonton yeh!!! Trus, the mini reunion ended up with everyone pusing pulangnya soalnya dimana2 banjir XD Surabaya klo banjir cepet surut seh, cm pas kita keluar tuh pas ujannya jg baru reda, so banjirnya msi ada yg sedengkul jg.... Ckckckck... Demen abis d klo ujan.. Adem ~

Kemaren apa lg yah? Blood test!!! Hahahaha!!! expected kok kolestrol gw tinggi.. hm3... must go on diet!!! Regina seh yg hasilnya rada ngaco... Liver dia hasil tesnya jelek... Mpe kemaren dibawa ke dokter buat cek.. untung gpp.. moga2 ntar tes lg hasilnya dah bagusan..

Hari ini harusnya Francy mo dateng.. mo bikin acara narsisme bersama foto2 trus ntar digabung ama foto cowo2 korea yg kita demen... Aku klo foto tuh ga bs pasang tampang sangar, soale klo pasang tampang gitu, hasilnya jelek bngt T.T Sementara, JAEJOONG klo foto ga pernah mesem!!!! Ada sih yg dia pasang tampang manis, tp susah nyesuain gayanya T.T Gaya2 fotoku meh matchingnya either ama Junsu or Nickhun... huaaaa T.T

Oh, I got new kesebelasan list...

1. Kim Jaejoong
2. Nickhun Buck Horvejkul (mati d namanya T_T)
3. Junsu (Dongbang.... bukan 2PM pny...)
4. Shim Changmin
5. Jang Wooyoung
6. Choi Minho
7. Choi Seunghyun
8. Lee Sungmin
9. Hangeng Tan
10. Jung Yunho
11. Park Yoochun.

Done ~

Surabaya diary 01

2009-12-06T05:34:00.000-08:00

Mmmmm...

Finally arrived in this lovely hometown of mine on 20th November... Feel like I've been here for looonnggg time when in reality I've just been here for 2 weeks...

Francy stayed over for 3 days and 2 nights... She left today and I missed already... Ga enak aja ngebayangin ntar malem bobo sendirian... Padahal ever since I came here emang dah bobo ndirian... and she was just there for 2 days and I already grew this attachment... ckckckck...

Have been wondering why everyone wants Jaebum to return, and finally understand why... After I watched him with the rest of 2PM members, I do want him back too... The photo of him leaving by himself at Incheon airport was so sad T.T Bikin gw pengen grab his backpack and ask him to stay back... huhuhuuuu...

Surabaya has been lovely until few days ago where the weather grew hotter compared to when the first time I arrived... Kasian amat si Sirco... Tiap siang when I pet him, his body was hot XD No wonder sih noting the fact he is a "long-hair" type of German Shepherd...

Hmmm... Got my final semester result... Not as good as last semester, but was pretty happy coz I improved A LOT for darn ACCT 3B XD It was the total opposite of last semester... Got 4CR and 1D... What did I do man with ECON final that I crashed the mark to Credit when it was HD avg before!?!!! Ckckckck....

Ms. J ~

wondering...

2009-11-13T02:35:00.000-08:00

Wondering...

First, whether I really am okay with all my parents saying "no" to me and my bro's relationship...

Second... why am I so lazy and totally can't be bothered to study for my last exam on Monday...

Third... why Sydney's weather is so unpredictable...

Fourth... why 20th November feels still far away from now...

Fifth... when will I get married and who'll be my life-partner...

Sixth... why am I keep thinking about my bro these days, and missing him...

Seventh... how would DBSK's come back next year look like if they ever have any...

and so on and on and on and on...

Ms. J ~

Today's pink...

2009-11-03T02:56:00.000-08:00

When did I wrote that post about ACCT3583? I think it was last Saturday, and the exam was yesterday (Monday, 2 Nov 2009). Unexpectedly, something amazing happened on the Sunday...

Anw, to begin the story, gw bingung d... why my parents can be so contradicting???? At one side, they pushed me buat cepet2 cari cowok, but when someone I liked finally asked me out, gw ga bole jalan ama itu orang! ARRGGGHHH!!!!

Yup2, Minggu kemaren (1st November 2009 --> will treasure the date forever!), koko nembak sayaaa... Kaget abis pas baca balesan message dia di facebook... but it was real, and the way he confessed really made me happy XD Simple lines, yet so powerful... Pokoknya my fave line was when he said "Ok Re, please be my girl", then he went on with the explanation of why he asked me out, before ending it with "I love you"... Simple, gak muluk2, tp straight to the point... And this event happened exactly one day before the dreadful ACCT3583 exam XD

Pas baca, of course I was totally happy and jumping in joy... Jd ya tanpa pikir panjang lgs bales and terima... Regina dah sempet ngingetin sih, bilang dulu geh ma Mama... But gara2 hari itu msi harus blajar, I decided to tell Mom later... So that day was official kita jd couple gitu...

Then on the Monday night, I called my mom, buat minta ijin jalan ama koko... eh ternyata GA BOLEH!!!! Macem2 lah alesannya... Katanya gw belon beres kul lah (msi mo ambil Master gitu), trus it's going to be a long distant relationship.... even ntar pas gw di Surabaya, he'll be at Jakarta (my mom went on saying, "katanya ntar klo dah merit maunya msi deket ama Mama? klo dia di Jakarta gimana mo deket?") PLIZ LAAH!!! It's not like I'm going out with my bro buat langsung NIKAH!!!! PARANOID ABIS!!!! Then the next reason was, soalnya kan emang gw ga banyak ada temen cowok, and the closest one to me tuh dia... So my Mom also said, pandangan gw ttg cowok msi sempit... so jgn terikat dulu ma koko, and look for potentially other better guys... She further stated katanya background family koko gw kurang bagus lah, pergaulan dia jg aneh lah, perhatian dia ke gw kurang lah, etc etc... GILA!!! ALL OF THOSE LIST OF REASONS DAH KAYAK KOKO TUH NGELAMAR GW instead of ngajak pacaran! But then again, bener jg seh... Kan klo gw pacaran di umur skr jg pasti yg rada serius... Yg mikirnya dah ke depan... but still... kesel aja ngeliat semua alesan yang nurut gw terlalu kolot and kebanyakan mikir ke depan...

BUt anw, being all the good girl I am... I decided to call off the relationship soalnya gw ga bisa pacaran without parents permission (relationship yg ga direstui ma bonyok ga bisa lancar kan katanya?). Yes, one day right after I accepted him, I had to tell him that we can't continue the relationship. That time, I was totally blaming myself, nape waktu itu I didn't ask my mom first before answering back his feeling. Maklum, I was so excited waktu dia nembak... But then again, even if that time I asked my mom, the end result would be the same... At the end pasti ga bole jg jalan ama dia... It's just matter of time...

Well... all is not so good... I still believe that this is somehow the best way for both of us (persetan with what my parents thought, although I still want to keep thinking that they want the best for me too)... Although I do like my koko, but I do get concern about the whole long-distant relationship... And for some weird reason, pas I called him to say that we couldn't go on, somehow there was this burden got lifted off my shoulder... Rasanya lega abis... Aneh kan? Padahal I do like him... but probably, as much as I like him, I wasn't really ready for a relationship yet... Apalg a long-distance one... Klo as friends or best friends, probably it'd be acceptable and easier, but as couple, I just learnt it's really hard, although I'm not saying it's impossible...

Anw, I guess baru skr I feel all the annoyance towards my parents which I poured out in the paragraph above... Tp yg udah lewat ya udah lah ya? Somehow I just want to stick to my faith that God always allows the best to happen to me... Knowing the very fact that my koko actually has the same feeling with me is more than enough to make me feel grateful. I just want to think, if we are meant to be, then one day, there'll be a way... If we were not, then surely an even better way will be provided for both of us...

Another bright side is, my accounting exam was awesome!!! I managed to remember most of the points that I've learned... Yg sempet lupa, puji Tuhan bngt bisa inget pas exam XD Even when there was question on David Jones (padahal the lecturer mentioned there won't be question on either David Jones or Qantas), I still managed to answer it... Trus, my dad won his tender at #1 place!!! Sep2... Mantep abis... Another prayer of mine dikabulin! Trus finally, masalah Centrelink gw jg dah beres! I guess, I need to focus more on what I have at the moment, all the blessings He already gave me abundantly and be grateful, rather than focusing on what was missing and complained about it...

Honestly, I do pray to God about me n my koko... The way He answered is rather unique, I suppose? He got him to return my feeling, but He does not allow us to go on with a relationship... Hahahaha... Aneh sih, but I just want to believe this is the best for all...

Ms. J ~

ACCT3583!!! SCREW ITTT!!!! ARGGGHHH!!!!

2009-10-31T07:46:00.000-07:00

The title is pretty much self-explanatory...

ACCT3583!!!!! TOtally a DESPICABLE subject!!!

Sooooo many damn things to remember!!!! Sooo many things to learn!!! How would I manage remember to do that!?!!

Trus terlintas...

Phil 4:13 - I can do anything through Him who strengthens me....

Amin!!!

*sigh* Can't wait until 2nd November is over.... The official day where I would not have to deal with stupid ACCT3583 anymore...

It's so weird... It's supposedly my last semester, and my last exams too... but totally didn't enjoy it... totally did not feel anything special in it... and instead, just want to get them over with QUICKLY!!!

Ms. J ~

sigh....

2009-10-25T01:37:00.000-07:00

When was the last time I blogged? Must have been a while... Let's summarise what's been going on... Surely ga dikit...

Starting from Dong Bang yg mpe skr gak jelas gimana beritanya T.T But somehow, deep down I want to believe mereka gak bakal bubar... I still need my regular Dong Bang dose ~

About uni, next Friday I'm already doing my 1st final exam. GOOD. Emang gw pengen cepet2 final exam, coz when those exams are done, I'm officially done and got to go back to Indoooo!!! Can't wait!!! Padahal klo ditanya ya gak kangen2 mpe gimana.... Cm going back to Indo every end of semester means me escaping the stressful life I have here in Sydney...

Still about uni, I've got my overall average for my Korean History gened... It's a D! Woohooo!! The last essay was a blast! Untung I chose to have that one marked instead of doubling the mark from the first one... Soalnya it turns out I did much better in the 2nd essay, padahal totally no confidence and bayangan at all the mark will be that good XD

About short-term future plan... Master or CPA? CPA or Master? Each has their own plus and minus... But thanks to Alvin, he mentioned I should consider about ke depannya gw bakal stay di Syd ato go back to Indo? Klo ke INdo seh, probably Master is a better option... Tp klo ke depannya mau jd, let's say... Australian citizen... then CPA, or CFA is a good choice. DIpikir2 lg, gw kan emang maunya balik Indo... work in my mom's office and stuff... then maybe Master is a better choice? The tricky part about this deal tuh bukan masalah both doors are closed... justru both doors are open widely jd bingung mo masuk ke yg mana... T.T

I guess those are the highlights of my life in the past weeks where I haven't blogged...

Oh, another thing. KOKO. Ni orang maunya gimana gw bingung ~ diblg ga seneng, I think ngga d. Tp klo seneng, he doesn't seem to plan to make any movement to further the relationship. Sempet ngmgin what we think about each other, yaelah sama gitu... ckckck ~

Dahah segini dulu... so lazy to start studying for 3B...

Ms. J ~

Random...

2009-09-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

Mau married aja susah abis seh? Ternyata emang wedding is such a BIG thing that we should not be overlooked...

Besok bolos FINS2622 lecture ah ~

Jaejoong and Yoochun's new song for the Hello Kitty's anniversary is SOOO NICCEEEEE!!!

Now with the whole CPA thing... The hell with non-award enrolment paying FULL-FEE?!!!! ARRGGGHHHH!!! I'd rather defer my graduation for another 5 months and pay like only one-fifth of the non-award enrolment for another semester!!!! But Mom said it's better to take the non-award enrolment still due to PR reason.... ARRGGHHH!!! SO EXPENSIVEEE!!!! BOMB UNSW!!!!! (or at least wait til I graduated... I want that piece of paper called graduate certificate worth thousands of dollars of my parents' money!!!)

*sigh*

Ms. J ~

BOSAN!!!!

2009-09-09T06:03:00.000-07:00

As the title says ~~

Liburan malah ended up spent buat ngerjain assignment...

SEBAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL!!!! KEMBALIKAN LIBURANKUUUUUUU >.<

Friday, 5th September 2009

2009-09-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

For some unknown reason, today I was feeling nostalgic... So I decided to go through my older posts and read all of the girls' crazy comments...

Truthfully, I was searching for certain post seh... And amazingly, the post I was looking for, was the post which dated exactly a year from today... Jd postnya tuh dated (and titled) Friday, 5th September 2008... Itu jaman2 we were doing Auditing together and International Banking for me and Evi... Hahahaha... Honestly, I really missed those time, girls... The times when I had my close friends there with me at uni. It really made the difference.. When you have your close friends, you felt you didn't carry your burden alone, and that no matter how hard a subject, an assignment or an exam looked like, to me, as long as I knew I wasn't doing it alone, then they didn't matter at all... Skr gw jg ada temen2 baru seh di uni, but it really is not the same with having my old mates :p

Oh, why I was searching for this one-year ago post? Coz I posted something "fun" there... And when I read through it again, how I wish it was true XD...

Ms. J ~

DOOORRRR!!!!

2009-08-31T01:01:00.000-07:00

Hum... this guy just asked me out yesterday... muhehe...

Dari iseng2 sms nanya future plan mpe bisa keluar tuh statement.. lol... Really appreciate it, tp terpaksa nge-reject.. Coz I got someone else special :D

Today's presentation well alright... Not sure whether it will be a good mark or not, but surely still a Pass. And it was much better than the practice I did with bu Chang yesterday... So all good all good...

Now ACCT3583 time.. T.T Moga2 besok pny quiz ga fail lg dah... Huuuuuuu -.-

- bu Jae -

Dreadful week...

2009-08-29T06:51:00.000-07:00

Monday: GENT1502 Presentation --> totally despise this... I won't care about being creative anymore... I will just quickly do it, get decent (PASS is a decent) mark and get it out of the way as soon as possible...

Tuesday: ACCT3583 Quiz --> bahannya lbi banyak dari yg gw kira... Apparently, gw msi a bit traumatic that I would screw this one up just like I did before T.T

Thursday: GENT1502 Exam and GENT0414 Critical Review --> Apparently the GENT1502 is only a 15 minutes exam... Really can't imagine what sort of question would it be... GENT0414 is an open book exam... But I just have an "intuition" that it wouldn't be easy... Korean history gitu... Edan... T.T

Hope I'll survive this week... Can't wait til that Thursday is over!!!! Arggghhhh!!!

- the frustrated ms. J -

Failed my 1st assignment for this (depressing) semester...

2009-08-25T02:02:00.000-07:00

Yeap, the 2nd failure I've ever got during my 4 year of studies...

For some reason, the first reaction of me when I saw the mark (3/10) was...

SMILING...

Trus ktemu Dux di Quad, and was fully telling him, "BET, GW FAIL ASSIGNMENT GW YANG WAKTU ITU!" Trus dia bales, "KOK BISA SIH? Belajar donk makanya!"

*sigh*

Hix3...

Well, it's a lie if I said I'm not depressed at all... But on the other side, I'm not as depressed that I wanted to cry badly the way I did when I got those unfair marking for 3A assignment 2 years ago... I did my best. It's not like I didn't study at all for the quiz. But the mark was just not good at all... Oh well... Honestly emang I found the questions were pretty hard jg sih. So gitu dah...

Huhuhuhu... 5 assignments next week before the break. Great. Hari ini maen aja dah...

Junsu's version of English for saying "I couldn't see clearly because of the sun" is apparently "OH MY GOD, SUN!!!!"

Way to learn your English, Xiah Junsu-sshi... ^^

- Ms. J -

oh, a lighter note

2009-08-11T05:33:00.000-07:00

oh, on a lighter note, after today's horrible quiz, I met with Albert Dux who I haven't seen for ages XD Kirain dia dah lulus or still doing his internship somewhere :p Tau2 dia nepuk gw aja gitu pas gw on the way mo keluar dr Quad... He was having his FINS1613 quiz jg after my class... Gud luck d Bet... Although sebenernya I do think you don't need it, coz you'll just simply kill the quiz anyway... Pertama kali ngeliat dia ga sengaja ketemu pas jalan bareng Cynthia di Quad Lawn Selasa kemaren... Kaget juga seh, but hepi gitu dah lama ga ketemu ^^ Don't worry people... No aneh2 feeling anymore... It's just fun to see old friend when you are kinda lonely at uni...

hux...

2009-08-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

There you go my first assignment of this semester... Wasn't promising at all... Hahahah... Altho I reckon I had done my best, and just like what ci Win said, what I need to do is now to leave the rest to Him... Fail sih kaga la ya... Cm you know how you want to get good in every assignment of yours... Wong waktu ngerjain temen sebelah gw aja mpe noted gw sempet bengong during the quiz... Gw beneran ga tau mo nulis apa since the question was pretty ambiguous... Grrrr!!! Hope I would still get some good mark for this one... *seriously feeling uneasy and pengen nangis*

And now I have this 750-words essay task for FINS2622 about Washington Consensus... Males bngt bikinnya... It's not a compulsory task anyway. It's not like you have to hand them in... Tapi klo ga bikin kok ya berasa guilty gitu... *further tears* Padahal bikinnya males banget coz mesti research2 kemana2, and gw sendiri ga gitu ngerti ini Consensus tentang apaan...

Adoh pusing!!! I hate this semester even more!!! Ga kebayang dah ntar end-of-semester result gw bakal begimana... Huhuhuhu... Tuhan, tolooonngggg!!!!

- Ms. J -

first assignment for such crappy semester

2009-08-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

Firstly, congratulations for TIno who graduated today!! hehehe... all the best, success and lucks for your future, dude! ^^

Now, yes... Tomorrow I'll be having my first assignment for this semester, and the subject-of-honour is ACCT3583... In a way, this one is the subject in which I enjoyed the most reading the textbooks... But when I was skimming through my ECON3116 textbook, I found out that book was more appealing to read XD Anywhoo... I'll have my first ACCT3583 Quiz during tutorial tomorrow... Although this quiz worths only 5%, but it's not really an "only" for me, coz yea, I don't have any confidence at all that I'll do well in it, despite of my inside wanting desperately to get good marks for it... I'm doing my best in study, and will also do my best during the quiz. Lord, help meeeee!!!! T___T

Ms. J (in self-confidence crisis)

Dong Bang Shin Ki jeleeeekkkk!!!!! T.T

2009-08-01T05:58:00.001-07:00

Dong Bang jelek!!! Huuuuuhhhh!!!!

Awas mpe berani bubaran sebelon gw married!!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!

Lil light in the darkness

2009-07-31T04:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was CIntong's gradz... Deepest congratulations for the graduating girl... Hehehe... All the best for your interview... I'm sure you'll kill it :) Let me know how you go yea?

Oh, during the night, I was honestly planning to go straight home after attending her graduation, coz with all the uni commotion that had been going around inside of my head, I was just not in the mood of going out for long... However, things turned out to be totally different... Meeting up with Bet, Ria and Nita really made my day... And I guess, yesterday night was really the happiest day since I came back to Sydney at the beginning of the week... Had such nice talk and fun, joking around, girls talk and heart-to-heart talk (with Bet seh) and a real good laugh... Haven't been spending such great quality time like that with all three of them, especially Bet, since he was so hard to be met during my previous semester... Hehe, so deepest thanks from the bottom of my heart to all of you guys ^^

Lil PS to CIndy: Cin, Ponti tuh, wkt the very first time aku liat de'e, first impression yg keluar lgs: Eita. Hohohoho... Komen aje yeh ^^

Today Alda came over and we had TVXQ day the whole day, plus some pizza party XD Huhuhuhu... Watching those boys the whole day does have an exhaustive effect to your soul. Grrrr!!!! Btw, Alda gave me a fanfic made by her for my birthday present upon my request since she's so good at writing stories. For those who knew Tohoshinki's Doushite MV, pasti ngeh ma ni crita. Basically, me and Jaejoong were childhood friends until he debuted as a solo singer. When he already became famous, I got hurt in an accident thanks to his fanatical fans. Trus, being told by his manager, we never met and contacted each other anymore... Yah finally I met him for once to deliver him my wedding invitation with Junsu (LOLLL!! Yes everyone, JUNSU!). Trus, ya as the story goes in the MV, I ended up marrying Junsu coz Jaejoong didn't say a word until the end... But, the ultimate ending dialter seh ma si Alda, coz gw kan maunya ma si Jaejoong :p After the wedding, Junsu managed to find out klo gw pernah ada apa2 ama Jaejoong, and mpe skr jg msi demen gitu. Junsu ga tega ngeliat his newly-wed wife sedih terus tiap hari. So het met up with Jaejoong, had some talk, and at the end, let me go and gave me back to Jaejoong... Ya happy endingnya seh gw ma Jaejoong lg. But, in the reality, if this really happened, I guess I would opt to stay by Junsu's side til the end. Udh married gitu. Masak gw tinggal? LOOLLL!!! Nice story though, although jd bikin gw tambah sayang ma Junsu malahan... Tidaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk!!!! T.T

Ms. J ~

Feel so pessimistic T.T

2009-07-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

Before explaining why I'm feeling so down, I better update with summary of me going to France during holiday:

French people are nasty... Sombong2 bngt T.T Although I have to admit, cowok2nya cakep2... Tunggu foto upload di facebook dah.
Eurodisney was FUN!! Cm ya gitu, gara2 perginya bareng family (meaning, ada nenek gw and tante), cm sempet naek coaster sebiji. Definitely ga puas!
Lourdes was so far the most beautiful place I've ever seen alive. Ga pernah liat tempat with nature se-tranquil itu... Mo diliat brapa kali pun ga bosen2... Gw personally suka tempat yg ada hutan, sungai ama pohon2 kyk cemara gitu sih... Hehe, and this place has all that ^^
Hotel di Paris yg gw stay crappy bngt (filter wastafel bisa copot sendiri, shower buat mandi bisa panas dingin constantly every 30 seconds or so mpe hafal gw patternnya... Jd klo tau bentar lg dingin, ngejauh dulu dr shower - trus beneran jd dingin -, ntar klo dah abis dingin2 biasanya kan jd anget lg, baru ngedeket lg ke showernya... T.T)
Paris emang mesti diacungin jempol buat viewnya... Huhuhuhuhu...
Btw, erpotnya Paris SUPER JELEK. Bangunan kuno sih. Erpot Surabaya aja jauh lebih bagus. *sigh*
Smpet ngeliat jenazahnya St. Bernadette Soubirous ama ada 2 santa laen yg literally msi utuh pas digali dr kubur masing2... Hebat bngt lho God's miracles itu... hehehehe...

Udah itu aja seh... Now onto the depressing thing... I don't know why ever since I came back, I've been having this pessimistic outlook about this semester. Parah bngt la, padahal this is my last semester and I'm supposed to enjoy it to the fullest. Mgkn gara2 timetable gw yg rada parah and subject2nya yg unexpected. Tp kalo disuruh ngerjain LEGT1711 ama ECON3101 ulang seh gw jg ogah... Let's list them out:

Timetable gw tuh ya, Senen gw harus ke uni cm sejem buat tutorial gened. Selasa tuh, ada break 4 jem gr2 gw belain tutorial segrup ama temen2 Indo gw (acct 3b kan ada grup work gitu), trus Rebo, gw ada break 5 JEM!!!! Trus nyambung lecture jem 6-8. Parah... Kamis jg mayan full... Dr jem 10 mpe 5, tp ada break sejem2 between each class... Jumat day off... Rese bngt ga seh. And I don't understand kenapa I got so bogged down cm gara2 timetable. Mgkn gw dah biasa 7 semesters sebelonnya timetable gw keren2...
#1 subject: FINS2622: GA ADA TEXTBOOK! Cm ada compulsory reading dr short-loan section di library, which udah ketebak bngt, pasti gw ga dapet coz yg laen dah pada borrow early. Males bngt nunggu queuenya. Thinking of buying the book, tp bingung jg mo beli di mana. Seriously, no textbook makes me feel I know nothing and be the stupidest student in the class.
#2 subject: ACCT3583: So far gw liat textbooknya sih mayan common sense, and enak jg ngebaca materi2nya (makanya gw berani skip lectures two weeks in sequence XD). Cm ya gitu, namanya Accounting, the first half of the semester, things are always alright, but then it gets nasty when it's coming to the end. So, not really helping at all...
#3 subject: ECON3116: ADOH PARAAHHH!!! Gw kira TEORI!! Ya emang ga mpe separah ECON3101 kemaren seh itung2annya, but this one doesn't look promising either. And what the lecturer did was practically reciting what's in the lecture slides. And she doesn't give numerical examples. Dear whoever-my-tutor-will-be, I'm depending my life for this subject on you. Please BE GOOD!
#4 GENT0414: Korea at a Glance. Gw kira belajarin huruf hangul and stuff, but what I am expected to learn in the next 13 weeks is Korean's HISTORY, CULTURE and yah... gitu2 d... Mampus. But I do think their history might be more amusing than Indo pny (apa tuh kerajaan2 jaman bahela plus perang2 etc??? Not to mention, all of those prasasti and fosil2 aneh). Gyah... And gw ga tau napa, this subject does not appear on my webCT padahal I'm officially enrolled in it. Kata IT officer seh gw suruh nemuin lecturernya, which won't be until tomorrow, to clarify about this matter. Repot amat seh! Kurang asem...
#5 GENT1502: This is the gened on which I come every Monday cm belain tutorialnya doank. Psychology seh. So ga tau lg dah. Gw baca textbooknya, bahasanya asing semua. HUx. Temen Indo gw yang supposedly doing this subject with me tiba2 ngedrop. Hadoh. Ga tau dah. Harusnya gw dah mayan kebal ma yg gini2. Kan emang ini last year of uni gw dah expect I'll be lonely for most of my classes since angkatan gw dah pada lulusan semua.

Ga tau dah... Where was that spirit and courage I had last semester, yg bisa bikin gw msi tetep stay smiling despite of nasty subjects and knowing no one in each subjects??? Pusing gw...

On little brighter side, single Tohoshinki gw dateng pas I was still overseas, meaning pas gw buka ya pas gw nyampe, and it was on my birthday. Guess who I got for the card. The LEADER! Buset... Gw bday dikasih "mantan" gw aja.. No comment...

(the exhausted) Ms. J ~

4 DISTINCTION AND 1 (high) CREDIT!!! YAAAYY!!!!

2009-07-09T03:35:00.000-07:00

NYAAAAAAAA!!! Praise the Lord!!!! Klo bukan kerjaan and campur tangan Dia, mana ada tuh hasil sebagus itu buat 1 semester??? No PASS at all!!!! Padahal Legal gw dah takut stenga mati bakal fail!!!!

Anywhoo, here are the results:


========================================================
 
Session Course    Title                           Result
 
========================================================
 
  T1    ECON2104  Applied Macroeconomics...........77 DN
  T1    ECON3101  Markets and Public Choice........72 CR
  T1    FINS3630  Bank Financial Management........79 DN
  T1    GENT0436  Chinese for Beginners A..........82 DN
  T1    LEGT1711  Legal Environment of Commerce....75 DN
========================================================
 
 
 
Term WAM:  76.444  Overall WAM:  71.571  Undergraduate
 
Provisional Academic Standing : Good Standing

Muhuhuhuhuhahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa ~~

(the crazed and totally hyped up) Ms J ~

JAY CHOU! JAY CHOU! JAY CHOUUUU!!!!!!

2009-07-03T08:55:00.001-07:00

Yeap... sini gw bold-in... gw kasih ukuran font plg gede!!!! And gw taro tengah2...

JAY CHOOUUUU!!!!!

SYDNEY LIVE CONCERT 2009!!!!

WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!

Anyhoo... It was really a blast!!! HOnestly, I cried a lil bit at the beginning because I was so touched with the fact I finally managed to see him in REAL PERSON, not just a mere video or TV show, but was actually being in the same room and breathing the same air and all of those things you could mention off about being together with someone who you admire and hardly can meet in normal lifecourse. I know probably I'm a bit exaggerating here, but who cares! It was my first ever concert, and that was SATISFACTORY!!!!! It worths the money paid... LOL! And I thanked Jay Chou sincerely for making my first live concert experience so impressive ^^

Hmmm... he started off with Huang Jin Jia... I think that was the opening song for the movie he played with Gong Li quite a while ago (forgot the title), and he went through with mostly songs from his new albums, which some I didn't know the title and never heard of them before (XD), but he also played some older hits, such as An Jing, Ye Qu and those songs which all the fans practically screamed off when they heard the opening tune... It got pretty boring and I did yawn in the middle of the concert when Nan Qian Ma Ma (not sure if I spell the name right), who, as Erica told me, were supposedly a new band which Jay produced under his own agency. They were alright, the girl was really good, and she actually speaks English!!! So well and fluent pula... Buset! And not to mention, her voice was superb!! I really like her voice. Apparently, she was a mix... And amazingly, she mastered both English and Chinese languages so well... Jealous jealous -___- I practically screamed on top of my lungs when he came on stage with a grand piano, playing it and singing at the same time. Kinda expected seh from this multitalented artist... but still, hahahaha XD

Oh, some highlight of the event, and I'm pretty sure it's the only original part of the concert which fortunately, belong only to Sydney Concert out of all of his world's concert... Jay allowed his dancing teacher to propose his girlfriend to marry him ON STAGE!!!! Imagine how cool and romantic it was, to be proposed in front of so many people. The guy actually kneeled in front of the girl when he was handing the ring and proposing her. Waaaahhh!!!! Now it really made Sydney Concert totally different and special. I'm so lucky!!! HOHOHOHO!!!

And towards the ending, he played FA RU XUE PAKE KECAPIII!!!! Not sure jg sih whether it was kecapi or not, but it looked like so, and it was BEAUTIFULLY STUNNING!!! My favourite song was played in such special way... Way to go Zhou Jie Lun!!!! And Huo Yuan Jia was good too. The song was started with a VTR featuring Jet Li giving a message for Jay, which obviously, I did not understand even a single bit of it since all of them were in Chinese... Probably, that is one thing that kinda preventing me from enjoying the concert fully... Language barrier. Damn! But overall, it was still really good, and whenever he's having another concert in Sydney, whether my Chinese stays the same, getting better or even declining, I would still come!

Jay's concert was the perfect ending for the day since within 8 hours from the time I'm writing this blog, I'll be finally on the plane which will bring me back to Indo. YAY INDO!!! Can't wait to escape this city after being physically and mostly mentally tormented during this semester!!! Hmmmm... Can't wait til I got some videos of today's concert from Cindy too. She managed to get the good parts recorded. Thanks banget in advance yah Cin ^^

Anyway, I need to feed Junsu now, and Ricca hasn't been played til the end either... So yea...

Ms. J ~

Too many blessings my dear Father...

2009-06-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

Liat aja d... Practically dari the very last day of exams until when I wrote this blog, I've received too big and too many blessings from Him... Let's list them on:

Pas Minggu kemaren, I got pelayanan di gereja SPJ for the first time since the church was renovated. BUSET!!! The new church was totally amazing and astonishing!!! Entrancenya keren banget... The inside, ga usah ditanya. Love all of those wooden interior XD Biasa d, dah lama ga pernah do reading mau do lg ada jg nervous bngt and dah sempet thinking mo cancel out gitu. Sempet ngerasa ga layak jg. But guess what happened, on the day, I wasn't doing only reading, tp jg help with kolekte and special minister task. Tuhan bener2 tambah2in semuanya when you do all those things for Him and HIs glory... Well, that was my only intention for doing all those tasks during the day. And He rewarded me with this great sense of happiness and joy, padahal harusnya kan gw yg tengkiu bngt Dia dah pilih gw yg ga layak ini buat ngebantu in His mass...
VISA GW UDAH KELUAARRRRR!!!!! Gw kyknya baru cerita ke Evi doank, but yes... I've been applying for short-stay visa to French and emang gw lodged applicationnya telat bngt due to very complicated process yg I don't think I'd need to sweat the details in this blog. Basically, I lodged the application on the 15th June (yes, the day before my very first final exam), and it was said that the application will need 3 weeks to be granted. 3 weeks from that day tuh Senen dpn tgl 7 Juli, which tiket pulang Indo gw tuh buat tgl 4 Juli. It won't be funny klo mpe tgl segitu visa gw belon keluar coz that means gw ga bisa pulang Indo since passportnya kan semua ikut dilodge bareng application. Anyway, last Thursday, Regina and tante gw went to the embassy and were told to come back on Monday to check again, which is today. And YES!!! Tadaaaa... Visanya dah out!!! Hehe... So on time banget, malah more than enough time before gw balik Indo Sabtu ini... Puji Tuhan bngt dah. When people think something is impossible, that's not the case for Him, and moreover, when someone terus bertekun dalam doa dan iman, dan bener2 berserah dalam pengharapan kepadaNya, ga ada yg ga mungkin, and that's exactly what I experienced right now. Thanks again Lord...
SEL DANIEL!!!! Finally, after about 6 months, gw td dateng lg ke sel. Mo dtg ke sel aja susah stengah mati, coz biasa, rasa males, pasti ada and berusaha menggagalkan. Tadi pas mo brangkat, perut gw bisa tiba2 sakit kyk orang masuk angin, but anw, I still forced myself to go. Pas dateng, sempet feel awkward jg, coz ada beberapa anak baru, and ada cewenya Harris jg, and gw bukan orang yg bisa lgs comfy ama orang baru, and my reaction will be to keep distance as far as possible from them. But as time goes by, I managed to feel better jg sih, and sel turned out to be so fun!!! I kept telling myself when I felt uncomfortable, that I came there sebenernya jg mainly to meet up with God gitu. And yes, He made it all so alright buat gw. I realised at the end, how much I enjoyed meeting up with the old members of this sel (minus Owin, Ci Win and Manda) and I went home with all this happiness and joy which I know didn't come from this world... Haiz... hepi bngt dah gw hari ini ^^

See? That's why I said, too many blessings...

Now, move on to other stuff... Kemaren, gw nemu video mayan HQnya Mirotic Concert yg di Seoul punya. MAAANN!!! KEREEENNN!!! The stage was so much better than pas jaman O punya, and pas lagu Mirotic, pre-instrumentnya SUPER DUPER KEREN!!! (Regina dah practically went hysterical pas liat si Changmin di sono)... That really made my day XD And ngmg2 soal Mirotic concert, for member's solo performance, I knew JJ, Changmin and Yoochun sang ballad2 gitu, and Junsu and Yunho performed some dance songs... Trus, yg Yunho pny kan lagunya dia bikin sendiri, and prolly dance movementnya jg... Kemaren tuh gw liat videonya, and ternyata, dia punya KEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNN BUANGEEETTT!!!! Pokoknya abis liat, gw ma Regina lgs browse internet buat cari tuh mp3 version of his song... Parah! And this morning, omongan kita berdua lgs ttg ni cowok and how keren his song and dance was... Gubrak!!! Tp emang I have to admit, pny cowok kyk Yunho seh seriously one-stop-shopping and you got all what you could possibly wish from a guy in him... *nodd nodd*

And lastly, all my heart goes to Evi and her big family for the loss of their aunt this morning... Be strong yah Vi, I'll help in prayer :)

Ms. J ~

finally freedom ^^v

2009-06-25T04:54:00.000-07:00

At least that's the case for this semester... First thanks of course goes to my amazing Lord Almighty... whose help never cease to amaze me... Mau setakut apapun gw waktu mau exam, mau berasa ga inget apa2 mpe separah apapun gw, at the end waktu sitting the exams, I always managed to write something sensible for each of the questions... As that was the case with Legal, it was also the case for my today's exam for ECON2104... Mo blajar sekeras apapun, mpe capek garis-bawahin tuh notes, berasanya sama sekali ga ada yang nyantol di otak... Gwnya jg honestly dah males banget pas blajar... Maklum... last exam gitu... Pengennya cm cpetan beres, and I was practically counting hours!!!! Anyway... all's super well ^^ My exams finished without a hitch (although td seru jg seh, almost ga kelar, but still managed to write something down, even after the supervisor said "pens down!"). Praise the Lord dah... Now... holiday time!!!

Anyway... for some reason... Last night I was remembering this certain dude, trus keinget ama one of case in Detective Conan pny komik... There was a saying that someone's feeling can change as time goes by... Now I wonder... will you change your feeling over time while you were aways and we can't meet as often? Will I still be the one you wanted to see first if you actually go back? Hum... This is stupid... Got to be so melancholic for no reason... But this was seriously what i thought semalem sebelon bobok...

Ms. J ~