I have been saying to myself that it's gonna be a lonely weekend to me coz my sisters are away. One went back for holiday to Indo for less than two weeks, and the other one was away to retreat with Mudika people (come to think of it, I was actually helping in the process so that these two could end up going to their respective destination... Thank your big sis, girls!). But, things actually turned otherwise :p
Dot points... My fave style~~ White keys go first...
- Monica, Regina's friend, came over for lunch, church and video-watching session together. I had so many good laugh today when watching Running Man and some of Dong Bang videos. I had my own personal Dong Bang session after she left, watching Family Outing where Junsu and Yunho were the guests. I realise I still miss the five of them being together, but no matter what, whether five altogether or two and three in separate ways, it's not gonna change who they are in person... I still really like all five and will continue to cherish them :)
- Finally bought this super comfy, soft and warm pajama pants from Morning Glory. They were the cheapest $18 after discount, but today they were $15! Wore them straight away as soon as I got home, and totally satisfied with the product!
- At the very same Morning Glory store, I got to be friendly with the store cashier. His name is Jay, and he taught me some Korean words, and actually seemed to like me a lot too XD He told me that he will be working in the city Chinatown store, and hoped to see me there. He said he is currently learning English, and would love to have someone he can practice with. I said I can teach him English in return for him teaching me Korean, and he was so happy when I said that XD Monica noted how I could easily talk and be comfortable with people just like that, and her comments made me realised for the first time, that such trait is actually one good point of myself, which not everyone can have. Previously during lunch, she also mentioned how I can befriend both my sisters' friends although we are in different age groups, and how I'm good at talking to tante2 :p It makes me feel proud and be able to love myself a bit more today, and thanking God for making me that way~~
- I had a bit of reflection on things. I realised, that if I don't love myself to start with, how would other people can love me? If I don't get confident with myself, how would I get other people can be confident in me too? I guess, I do need to help myself a lot. I need to figure out about myself more, and find things about myself that both need to be fixed, or maintained - things that can make me love myself more... Coz I also noticed that I don't love myself that much... I tend to scrutinise myself too much which always, almost all the time, end up in me hating myself and telling that I'm no good =.=
- Meet Abby at the church today. How glad I was that I decided to say 'hi' back then. I seriously thought of going straight home without seeing ci Win and ko Ardi soalnya lg males aja. Tp at the last moment, I decided to go to the back and greet them. Excellent decision indeed! Abby was merengut as usual, and it was amazing to see how her facial expression turned to a smile when she saw me!!! Her smile was sooo gorgeous, and she looks sooo cute!! Adorable buanget pokoknya. She let me craddled her today, and she was playing with my face, clutching my hair, and actually didn't cry at all when I held her. She was in a good mood :D Although i noticed how she was back to her merengut expression when she realised suddenly many people gathered around her :p Cute confused beautiful baby :p If only Abby can understand now how she made me unreasonably happy today XD Because I could make her smiled and laughed back then, it made me feel so happy and think at least, I can make a baby laugh and that's a good thing.
- Recently, the fact that I have been quite underpaid started to get over me in such ways that it made me regret my current job, and of course, became less appreciative. Although I was occasionally reminded how I was the one asking for the job, and God did grant me my wish, but today, the reminder was rather special, and mengena... When I started to being all regretful and snide about my current job, the thought that "it was through this job that i got to learn SO MANY things that I wouldn't learn somewhere else otherwise" suddenly came in. Well, it's true. In fact, through this underpaid job I do get lots of experience and skills, including becoming more confident in answering phone calls. I saw in many trainees how a task as simple as answering a phone could be quite a difficult thing to be done properly... And these skills and experiences are the updates on my resume, which are all the potentials that can help me score new job... *sigh* I guess, the underpaid part is the trade off for all these experiences... Be grateful, Anne! =.=
- Further thing about my job, really, everyone in my office are nice people. Ralph is actually good too, except he does drive everyone crazy almost all the times =.= What a handful boss! There was this small talk between me and Linda which made me feeling really happy at the end. I didn't know how it started, but I was involved in small chat with Linda at the reception desk, and the talk somehow landed at the fact I was a July baby. Upon learning this fact, Linda exclaimed immediately, " Ah-ha~ No wonder I like you so much! You're a July baby too, just like me!". And she continued on how she once noticed I was born on July, but didn't get reminded about it again until she talked to me that time. She further added that she would make me cake to celebrate mine, hers, Ralph's and Chan's birthday next week. Wow! I remembered I posted nasty entry about her before. This reminded me of the kotbah of this priest at SPJ whose name was unknown to me. He was talking about how each person has "weed" and "wheat" inside him/her. If you tried to uproot the weed, you may end up pulling the wheat too. At the end, it's all about tolerance, patience and respect of others that will allow you to accept a person's weed - all the bad stuff and wheat - all the god stuff, which then lead to harmonious and peaceful life, while shaping your characters in good way too.
- I don't know how, but my Vodafone credit has an excluded amount of FIFTY SEVEN DOLLARS! What the?!!! It means my next bill on September is going to be around $100?!!! It's not the matter of whether I can pay for it or not, but it's just... What did I do that the bill can swell so much like that?? I did talk to my mom overseas for two hours. But I did that before and it was okay... Need to call Vodafone to check on things! They are being so stupid now.
- I am currently being put on the second job hunt... Although I had enough share of rejection last year, and logically should be at better position this year with more experience, but I can't help but to still feel pessimistic and over-worrying at all times. I know at these kind of times are where my faith is put on test. I know God will definitely help me right on time. He has been listening to all my prayers, requests, nagging etc, and none has gone ignored. He knows what is best for me and what He wants is for me to keep believing and hoping in Him until miracle happened. Saying that you know things is easy, but to keep the faith in action, that's real hard~~ Fear does overcome my faith at sometimes, and pessimism overwhelms me... But I guess, what else I can do but to cling on my hope and faith in Him? Afterall, I do want to believe that He can turn my worry into worship when I persevere in my faith over my fears~~
- I really did some reflections today, and another outcome was about things that I wished to do in the past that end up not getting done. I'm good at Auditing, and during the Mass, I didn't know why suddenly I really want to be an Auditing tutor at UNSW... But I don't have enough courage to teach a class... I can teach one-on-one (and had been proven to help my friend got a D for her Auditing final mark), but not sure in bigger group =.= Besides, my previous situations didn't really support the situation. Bisa sih sebenernya, klo dipaksain... But maybe, aku orgnya jg kemalesan kali yah~~ Another thing, how I wish I could play keyboard and be a singer di PD... I like singing, and I like keyboard/piano, although I reckon suaraku sih jelek loh klo buat nyanyi =.= But I suppose, I can make amend to this by being acolyte or reader at my local church. I like that too XD We'll see. I want to get more involved in pelayanan too, something that's new, and I'm recently inclined to help in Sunday schools. I do want to learn how to teach children. This, maybe I can start when my youngest sis arrives back in Sydney later... I do realise how the outcomes of my merenung session can make me quite depressed, coz I feel like I had wasted something great and missed out on the chance to make my life better... But I was quickly reminded (must be by the Holy Spirit) that my current life, even without things that I wish I would have done, has been great in its ways. I can still do my unrealised wishes in different ways, and still feel better and more satisfied in myself that way. I'm glad I was quickly warned that overly-focusing the past up to the point of deep regret won't save me my present and future...
(for now, still) Ms. J
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